A Hopeful Perspective

This was emailed to me by the amazing Grace Lee Boggs, a long time activist in Detroit. It gives me a lot of confidence and hope to read that there are other people too who think that the dark times we are living in are just the opening act for the light to come.

The winter solstice is coming .. time to look forward to the return of the light.

V


ANOTHER WORLD IS NECESSARY
ANOTHER WORLD IS POSSIBLE
ANOTHER WORLD HAS ALREADY STARTED

Michigan Citizen, Nov. 27-Dec. 3, 2005

We are in the midst of a great transformation, not only economically but
psychologically, culturally, politically, in our relations with one
another, to the Earth, to other species and to other peoples of the world, and
in our concept of ourselves and of our rights and responsibilities as human
beings.

To an unprecedented degree, as we approach 2006, millions of us are
aware that our present and impending disasters are not natural but man-made,
the consequence of our limitless pursuit of capital accumulation.

Up to now the main victims of this have been the peoples of the global
South. But now the chickens are coming home to roost. In our own countries,
the United States and throughout Europe, there are tens of millions who
for decades have been marginalized, living how they can, without any social
safety nets, unemployed, disempowered, disenfranchised, disengaged,
disrespected, and without a perspective of another positive future.

These people in the so-called informal sector are now being joined by
those who through centuries of struggle and sacrifices thought they could look
forward to a stable and secure future for themselves and their children.

At this moment and under these circumstances it would be easy to
despair. But this universal crisis is not only a danger but a promise, an
opportunity to advance ourselves and our societies to a new level, based
on a new vision, new principles and values:

* Respect for the limits of the earth
* Responsibility for community and notjust for self
* Concern for posterity into theseventh generation
* Partnership instead of patriarchalrelations
* A new concept of Work based on usevalues and skills
* Resistance to commodification of human relationships and of all life
* Local, sustainable and self-relianteconomies instead of one global
dominant economy
* Diversity instead of monocultures
* Restore the joy of living incommunity with all creatures
* Practice global citizenship topreserve the best of our historical
traditions
* Social justice and cooperation instead of exploitation and
competition

WHAT DO WE DO NOW? HOW DO WE GET FROM HERE TO THERE?

WE can begin by restoring our relationships to each other and to the
Earth

WE can create gardens, for food, health and to create a community as a
basis for resistance, for learning and enjoyment of young and old.

WE can create new subsistence skills to grapple with our present
problems and the challenges to come.

WE can transform our schools from job-and-career-oriented institutions
to places where children and young people can learn the values of teamwork,
serving the community, self-reliance and the joys of creativity

WE can initiate discussions in our communities locally, nationally and
internationally on new visions, a new perspective, and the profound
historical meaning of the great turning during this time in which we
live.

WE can share and spread the word of what people are already doing to
create a better world.

Grace Lee Boggs, Detroit, Michigan., Boggscenter.org
Maria Mies, Koeln, Germany, Women and Life on Earth (WLOE)
Shea Howell, Detroit, Michigan
Werner Ruhoff, Koeln, Germany
Hilmar Kunath, Hamburg, Germany
Elisabeth Voss, Berlin, Germany
Irina Vellay, Dortmund, Germany

This statement emerged from some o f the participants in the
International Workshop on Self-Organizing and Common Self-Reliance, Cologne, Germany,
October 20-22, 2005.

You're actually reading this thing ..

I stopped updating for a while because I was getting the impression that nobody was reading this. But I've heard from a few of you who say it's a helpful way to see what part of the planet I am on. So I'm going to keep going with this. At the very least, it's another way to journal even if y'all aren't reading.

But I think you are.

Well, the house is sold and gone. And I actually have a bit of money. For the next month or so I am just going to hang out, do art, settle in to my new place and not put any expectations on myself. Come January I'll start looking for a job. Don't think that will be too hard -- the kind of job I am looking for is the kind that doesn't take up too much space in my brain (literary credits to my friend Sarah A. for coming up with that very descriptive way of describing what I am looking for.) Maybe I'll go get a job at Best Buy for a while and just enjoy hanging around with all that gear (and take advantage of staff discounts, of course). And I've got my used bookstore gig. And there's always the old standby -- modelling for art classes (kinda cold in January but I'll just buy myself a fuzzy robe for the breaks). And I have two music students. All these little bits and pieces add up, especially since I have considerably reduced my cost of living.

I have also applied to be a sessional instructor for the Radio Broadcasting course at the University -- that WOULD take up a lot of space in my brain but I am up for it.

I'm liking being back in Windsor. The "there's no place like home" sentiments have slightly worn off but it's still good. I've been back long enough to see that Windsor hasn't changed a whole lot in 25 years. In some ways, it's a really progressive place. In other ways, it's a black hole.

The things that are good:

a) the river -- it's the only place I've lived where the boats are actually close enough to see more than an outline. And the riverfront became a lot prettier in the days after I left. Great sculpture garden too.
b) there's a lot of progressive politics here
c) wonderful friends, especially my friend Mary who has provided me with a wonderful place to overwinter.
d) a good university (DESPITE what Macleans magazine says)
e) a very cute little apartment. I am enjoying "small" -- I loved my big house but I am finding this place much more manageable. And easier to decorate -- in my house, things had to be very large and dramatic to be noticed. Here, the smallest things don't get lost.

The things that are not so good:

a) the pollution. Steel plant just across the river. Gee, just like Hamilton.
b) gawd, is this city ever American
c) there is a really underdeveloped understanding of the role of arts and culture at the civic level (true everywhere, but it's especially bad down here). This filters down to the level of the ordinary folks, causing things like no money for art, the sense that artists are society's equivalent of the flea on a dog's back. The up side, though, is that there is a resilience and a frontier mentality among the people who are just going ahead and doing art anyway. And that creates a vitality and energy that is different than that which exists in places where we are validated a bit more.

Overall, there are more good reasons to be here than not. At least for a while.

I still want to go east. The winds are not blowing in that direction yet but if I pay attention I will know when it's time.

For now, I have a sound art installation I have to get working on. I will post details here tomorrow. Or maybe later today.

Get in touch! My email is getting really boring.

What I want for Christmas

Just about says it all, doesn't it? You can get these from the Rabble Podcast Boutique -- only $16.50! Pretty cheap price for a whole bunch of cheeky attitude, if you ask me


and oh ya .. that would be size Medium ...

ssshh .. don't tell anybody

I'm supposed to be working. It's Sunday afternoon and I'm at my new few-hours-a-week-when-we-need-you musty used bookstore job. It's my first day all by myself here. I'm liking it. Just me and a whole bunch of thinkers who have collectively penned no less than 3 trillion thoughts.

Okay, so maybe I should be working but I think I will allow myself a little break from my very busy day. Besides, there are a lot of ideas in here -- it can get very overwhelming if I'm not careful.

There are a lot of books in here, you bet. And this is probably only .000000000000001111111111111 of all the books published in the world and exist at this point in time. That doesn't count all the countless millions that have been burned down through the ages.

On second thought, make that number .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
0000000000000011111111111111111111111111111111111111
111111111111111. And that's probably a conservative estimate.

Doing well. Always searching for the right balance between being and doing. Finding it occasionally and trying to go easy on myself when I don't get it right.

More later. Got lots of radio shows coming up and cool things for people to listen to.

Settling in to Windsor West

Just thought I'd pop in with a bit of an update for those of you who check this out to see where I am.

I'm settling in nicely into my little basement live/work space on the west side of Windsor. Most of the time it feels energizing to be here. I've got a couple of grants in, plus am preparing a submission for a sound art installation here in Windsor. And my podcast debuts on Tuesday at Rabble.ca -- it's called "The House of Sound and Story" and will focus on the good things artists are doing to build this house we call earth. My first program will be about Penn Kemp's Poems for Peace project and will be a performance and discussion about how words create and destroy peace.

I am also starting a radio show at CJAM on November 23 addressing the same kinds of themes. And I'm playing piano again, thinking about taking a composition course in music come January.

And dog training lessons, likely skating lessons with my 6 year old niece Emily.

Got a couple of loads of stuff to get from Hamilton yet and then I'm done and out of there. It's been a long haul ... the change is very welcome.

More later about my sound installation ... it will be really great to get back into circulation again.

Don't play with your food!

Lori and her pal 

I love this picture. It's my best buddy and sister Lori. She's in China right now and she's been sending home lots of stories about what she's been eating (pig intestines on shiskabob skewers. Frogs .. whole ones ... chicken baked in mud.)

This is Hairy Lobster .. which is a kind of lobster with seaweed.

I love this picture because I think of the all times (every mealtime) when she says "Emily, don't play with your food).

I think it's hard for her to be a mom sometimes because she hasn't forgotten how to be a kid herself. And that's what makes her a great mom. And a wonderful sister who makes me laugh.

Making Friends with the Neighbours

Direct Action -- Northern Ontario Style 

My cousin Lisa just sent this picture in a batch from her parents' new place near Goulais River (which is near the Soo).

My aunt, M. Catherine Brown, is known for her direct way of making the point (one of my favourite stories is that she wrote to Mother Theresa to tell her she was wrong. AND got a reply, hand-addressed direct from Calcutta).

But geez, Cath, couldn't you have settled in for a bit longer before causin' trouble?

Just kidding. I know she didn't write this because it's not her handwriting.

I have arrived ...

Hey everybody out there. I told you I'd pop back in and let you all
know when I get where I was going.

I'm here. But not the "here" where I thought I was going to be. I
am in Essex. As in Essex ONTARIO.

Not exactly Nova Scotia. It's looking like Nova Scotia is going to
have to wait.

Here's what happened. Our unconditional real estate offer fell
through. So we are still stuck with a house which isn't selling. I
would go into the reasons for this but it might be libelous.

And, at roughly the same time the house deal fell through, my
accommodations for the winter in Bear River also fell through.

So right now, the message I am getting from the universe at large is
to sit for a while, don't do anything drastic. Nova Scotia can still
happen, just not yet. And in the meantime, there are lots of reasons
to be down here.

I'm only in Essex temporarily and will be moving to Windsor in a
couple of weeks (which isn't far -- Essex is only half an hour from
Windsor) Right now I'm taking care of my sister Lori's 6 and 10
year old daughters while she is away working for GM doing training in
China. Mike, her husband, is here and he is quite a capable and good
dad, but it's still a lot easier on everybody that I'm here. And I'm
having a good time with the little girls, which is one of the reasons
I thought being down here was a good idea. It's also a really Big
Deal to them that I'm here .. makes me feel real important. It's a
good opportunity to be part of their lives and Lori's. They really
need a cool aunt on the scene, at least until they get their first
tattoo anyway.

And the other reason is that I still have a reasonably intact
personal and professional network of people down here in Windsor.
And I've already been offered a place to live -- my long time friend
Mary Atkinson has asked if I would like to live with her in her very
large and cool house near the university. I lived with Mary and her
family when I was going to university and again when I went out to BC
25 years ago. The whole Atkinson family has been a big part of my
life for a long time and it's wonderful to be able to spend time with
them again.

It's all falling into place. This Windsor move is only temporary, I
promise myself. It's a good solution in the short term also, because
I am planning to do some major travelling next year -- first to
Findhorn in Scotland, an amazing community just north of Inverness.
And my friend Dave is applying for a grant to do another global
issues radio project which he will probably get. If he does, I will
be going to Asia to do some stories for him -- still doing my
research, but I am thinking I would like to go to the Himalayan
region of India and also to Nepal. Once I'm there, it's really
really cheap to stay for a while. So I might spend a couple of
months there. Not until next fall because I want to avoid monsoon
season. Which gives me some time to settle in here for a bit.

I've got some work happening and some interesting projects that will
keep me happy and productive. I'm going to be putting together a new
workshop schedule over the next little while -- so for all the
people who have asked me to do a workshop for them sometime, this
would be a great time.

I'm starting to get my groove back. Or maybe I shouldn't use the
word "back" because it's not at all the same groove it used to be. I
think it's much better even if it is still a difficult transition. I
still spend too much time belting out choruses of " Your Cheatin'
Heart". Or just being sad -- I keep thinking it's going to get
better but it's been so much harder since I got back from Nova
Scotia. Part of me wishes there was some way to pull this back
together again and forget that we ever did such a silly thing as
split up.

But it's done. except for jointly owing a house with a curse on it
... I minimize what a bad situation this house deal situation is
because I can't do a thing about it. I'm doing all that I can.

Happy thanksgiving, all of you. I thank you for being there for
being there for me, and for being the collection of wonderful people
that you are. It is really gratifying to know that I have a very
large circle of friends out there, all the way from Ottawa to
Kentucky. And Vancouver, and Seattle, and Brandon, and Kelowna, and
San Francisco. And all over the place.

You have held me up, and you keep on doing it. I'm here for you too,
getting stronger and stronger all the time. I can take care of you
too. And I want to.

Love
Victoria

PS -- you can still email me at fenner@magneticspirits.com -- I am
picking up messages every day. Would love to hear from you.

I don't know if these are the Himalayas or not, but they sure are magnificent.  

War and Peace

I've been having a lot of discussions lately about traditional activism and what works and what doesn't work so well anymore.

A lot of this has stemmed from my growing conviction that we cannot work for justice and create a culture of peace in this world unless we are coming from a centre of peace ourselves. I know this from personal experience .. sometimes I feel like the past two years has been about being sent to the mountaintop to be still. Instead of rushing around trying to accomplish things from a place of frantic activity.

I still have many things to learn. The times when I need to be still are the times when I can't get myself to do it. But I guess that's why meditation and prayer are called a "practice" .. because we need lots of it.

I think one of the reasons I never did a lot of work on myself in the past is because it felt narcissistic and self-centred. Now I am starting to realize there is a difference between being self-absorbed and having a strong sense of self. Because without a strong sense of self, how can we effectively do the social change work that we are called to do?

So much activist work is based on anger and fear. One of the best things to happen in a long time is a growing realization by many people that our activism is so much stronger when coming from a solid spiritual core. And not necessarily in the "religious sense".

I found a wonderful web page on the principles of spiritual activism. It's here if you want to read the whole thing.

These are the main points: (Source: Global Renaissance Alliance -- see link above)

1. STILLNESS AS AN ACT OF POWER
The cultivation of a quiet mind is the most effective antidote to chaos.

2. ENVISIONING AS AN ACT OF POWER
In the material realm, power is determined by material wealth; in the spiritual realm, power is determined by spiritual wealth.

3. INTERPERSONAL HEALING AS AN ACT OF POWER
The source of war lies in each of us, as does the source of peace. As we rid our own hearts of the spark of violence, we are fostering peace in the world.

4. DEPTH OF INSIGHT AS AN ACT OF POWER
The most powerful axis of activism today is vertical rather than horizontal. The depth of a conversation is more important than how many people are involved in it.

5. RADICAL GOOD WILL AS AN ACT OF POWER
Recognition and affirmation of the spiritual innocence in all human beings creates a field of possibility for the emergence of miracles.

6. CREATING SACRED SPACE AS AN ACT OF POWER
The simple configuration of people gathered in a circle, sharing prayer and meditation and heartfelt conversation, casts a web of healing power affecting not only the members of the circle but the world at large.

7. SPIRITUALLY CENTERED ACTION AS ACT OF POWER
The New Activist wields power by standing for what could be, as opposed to fighting what is. Making a stand for a new possibility, we attain the power to create it.

Pretty powerful, eh?

And speaking of activism on a slightly different tangent, there's a good chance I could be in the Himalayas in the spring working on a new radio series called "The Green Planet Monitor". For some reason, any of my ideas about staying in one place for a long time just don't seem to be gathering any steam. I think my address for a while is supposed to be No Fixed Address. And hey, why not?

One of my friends remarked that this must be really stressful for me to not have a home. But really, it's not. I've done this many times before and there's something about wandering around that I really like.

Just wish I could get this Hamilton house situation wrapped up so that I can have no ties to place at all. That's the only thing really dragging me down right now .. and also because as long as Barry and I co-own the house, we can't really walk away from each other as we both would like to do right now. But maybe there's a gift in that somewhere too ... think I'd better go sit on the dock and meditate for a while.

See! Red trees. On Eagle Lake Road. I told you it's a red fall. Stay tuned for pictures of the lake tomorrow. 

Leavin' the City

I just don't want to live in a city anymore. At least not full time anyway. Today I got in the car and headed up north to my mom and dad's place in South River (about 3 hours north of Toronto for them what aren't from around these parts). The further I got from Hamilton, the better I felt. And now it's real good.

It's turning out to be a red fall. Few leaves turning until around Orillia. The air is very cool with hints of winter. A roaring fire is a wonderful luxury and the lake view from outside my bedroom window is peaceful and healing and calming.

Part of me is tempted to stay here for the winter and see what the springtime brings. The east coast still beckons, though. And if I can get out there before the snow starts to fly and the geese are all gone I might still do it.

Back in southern Ontario again sometime either Sunday or Monday. In the meantime, I am really glad to be here.

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Cyndy (my sister). And Happy Michaelmas Day (the feast Day of St. Michael, Guardian Overlord of the Angelic Hosts (or, in layperson's terms -- Head Angel.)

He is often invoked to intercede against The Powers of Evil, Temptation, Storms at Sea and any times when fear and negativity are present. And because it is fall and the light is diminishing, this is the time when the light of Archangel Michael is often called upon.

He is also the patron saint of hatmakers and there is a lovely daisy (the Michaelmas Daisy) named after him. I would imagine that a hat with Michaelmas daisies on it would be a good thing indeed (I bought 10 hats this summer .. maybe this needs to be my 11th)

Thought you would all like to know in case you're feeling a bit fearful and need some more light in your life.

Ramblin' on

I promise I'll post a picture one of these days for some eye candy. I don't have a digital camera right now and all my pix are on my other computer which is not hooked up to the internet. Soon. Soon.

Still wanderin' around, going from place to place and remembering that many societies have lived like this. Only they didn't have a car to use as a storage locker.

I've been pretty bummed out about this house situation ... it feels better when I remind myself that property is a pretty emotional thing, bringing up all kinds of issue of security, territoriality and a mix of other things. I don't think we're really in our right minds when we're doing the real estate regardless of whether one is a buyer or a seller.

At this point, I'm quickly deciding not to let this delay my trip indefinitely. I'm going sometime between October 20 and 31. I will be fine, I tell myself. The explorers of olde left their homeland with much less than I have. I will be fine.

I am working on the whole issue of detachment from material things, at the same time as working on getting more grounded in the material world. Sounds like a contradiction? Actually, it's not. We can only detach from the world when we feel secure in it. So that's what I am working on.

I also remind myself that one of my heroes is Dorothy Day, co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement. Throughout her life, she worked on building a movement devoted to social justice. For her, that meant freeing herself from the trappings of material success. The Catholic Worker, a newspaper which is still being published today, as well as her many Catholic Worker houses were built on no material security. Just God's grace. She did a lot of good, and one of the reasons is because she wasn't afraid.

I am trying to be fearless too. It's a long, slow process but it's getting easier every day as long as I remember what's really important and what isn't. Which sometimes happens for 10 minutes a day!

Getting skunked

I did a whole blog entry yesterday morning about Ursula getting skunked. And then I got skunked by the internet -- I went to post it and something weird happened and I lost it all.

So we both feel like we're getting skunked all over the place. and I am still getting skunked by the real estate business. House still isn't sold. I am still waiting to get out of here and see how much money I'm going to have to get there. My house is almost empty so I am taking many friends up on their gracious offer of places to stay.

the good thing about all of this is that I sure feel loved. Big thanks to The Other Victoria of London and her family for inviting us to stay there. and also for their assistance on Friday night after Ursula had her encounter with the skunk.

Now I am at Nadene and Darren's in Brampton. What can you say about friends who offer up their bathtub for a smelly dog to have a tomato juice bath in, and then say, no, she doesn't have to sleep outside all night. She doesn't smell that bad ... (she now smells like a skunk living outside the Heinz tomato factory in Leamington close to where I grew up).

By the way, I got a tomato juice bath too. I figured the cleanest way to go about it was to get in the bathtub with her. So I probably smell like Leamington on a juice-producing day too.

FYI -- I am off to Tina's place tonight, and staying with her kids tomorrow. Back to Nadene and Darren's tomorrow night. Pit stop at the Hamilton house this afternoon to put in a load of laundry and unload some of the excess baggage in my car.

As usual, the best way to contact me is by email. Or cell phone even if I am way over my allotted minutes per month. Oh well, it's a cost of living that can't be avoided unless I want to be totally cut off. Which I don't.

More later. I"m doing fine even if I am terribly frustrated at the recent turn of events.

Surprise

Have you ever heard the expression that life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans?

So true this week. Our house deal did not go through. After a weekend of believing that I am seriously screwed, I am now feeling better. Thanks in large part to my friend Victoria (the other one) who gave me a call on Saturday and told to me to get the heck down to her place in London so she can take care of me. So I am down here all week with her and her husband and two daughters. I am starting to realize just how much I need other people around me .. fortunately I have friends who were able to point this out to me even before I realized it myself.

It's easy to look at the downside of all of this, but I am finally starting to see how much more helpful it is to look at the good things that this situation is causing. So many people to help, so many people who care. It's been this way ever since Barry and I split up, and I am very grateful.

I am also proud of how Barry and I both handled this latest problem. .. let's just say that it's all pretty typical of how the real estate game is played by some people. Bottom line is that we play fair. And if the other side doesn't, we can't play with that particular person or people.

And despite what I said in my previous entry on moving day about Barry being bitchy, I saw some glimpses again over the weekend of him at his best. Reminds me of why I still love him. Even though I do know we can't be to each other what we used to be.

So now everything is up in the air. We have another couple who are very hot to put in an offer .. they were disappointed that they missed out last time. So things don't look as bleak as they looked in the middle of the night.

There may be a delay while all this works out and I'm not sure at this point I'll go to Nova Scotia right away or wait until the spring. If I do wait until the spring, I'm thinking of spending the winter in Windsor. There are a lot of good reasons to do this. Since I can't afford to go somewhere warm like California.

I' m still working it out and convincing myself that this isn't the big crisis it appears to be. I have options and people who love me.

More later. I'm doing okay. Not the best I've ever been, but okay.

The Diggers had it Right

Don't know how many of you have heard the story of the Diggers, a bunch of folks way back in jolly olde England who tried to set up a town on somebody else's land.

There's a song written about them with the line "No Man has any Right to Buy and Sell the Earth for Private Gain".

Ah yes, real estate was a dirty game even back then.

Tomorrow our house is supposed to close. I am reminded once again why I firmly believe that the buying and selling of property is a black and evil art.

Wrinkles have emerged. Seems the new buyer doesn't understand what the term "unconditional" means. But our lawyer has assured us that yes, they have bought our house and cannot get out of it without it costing them.

Whether our lawyer is going to have to be more emphatic on this point still remains to be seen. The only thing I am enjoying about this is that the buying and selling of real estate is like swimming with sharks. This is one of the only places in life when I feel comfortable being a shark along with everybody else. I'm enjoying being very expressive with my real estate agent and lawyer about how displeased I am ...

Cue: "oh the shark has many teeth dear ...
and she shows them pearly white" (from Mac the Knife, if you don't recognize the song).

And we have at least two other prospective buyers. The problem people can go suck air.

Loving What Is

The Way I Want to Feel all the Time

Hey folks -- it's been a while.

This picture was taken up at my mom and dad's place on Eagle Lake near North Bay Ontario a couple of weeks ago. It was an incredible week on the lake and I felt so good.

I need to remember that. I'm doing well, all things considering but am a little bogged right now. The house closes on Friday -- good word for it, eh? "Closes" -- not just "sells". It's closure.

Doesn't feel like that right now. The last boxes are always the hardest ones to pack up. And I just sorted through the Christmas decorations to pack a few to take with me back to Bear River. Went through old Christmas cards. It was like walking backwards. And yeah, it hurt but I think I'm at the point where I can let it.

And now I'm feeling better, ready to move a few more boxes. I need to remember the feeling that I had when I threw my hands up in the air that day on the lake and said "Whatever".

I almost am able to mean that ... some days more than others. Learning to let go ... let things be what they are. And even learning how to enjoy what they are. Even if it's not exactly what we had in mind for ourselves.

Sometimes there are better plans in the wind ... if we can just ride with it.

Bringing it all up to date

I've been home a couple of days now. Tomorrow I head off to Montreal for a conference so wanted to bring about some closure to the summer trip part of my blog.

I think, for a while at least, I will keep updating just so all of you have a central place where you can keep track of my comings and goings. The conference I am going to is called "In and Out of the Sound Studio", and it's going to be a dynamic gathering of women who work in sound studio environments. Including some wonderful friends from different parts of the country I have not seen in a while.

To give you a better idea of where I am, here is a message I put out on my VF Friends email list. Some of you would have gotten it already via email, others not.

Hi everybody -- I know it's been a while since you've heard from me.
It's been six weeks of major changes, growth and wonderful things
mixed in with some tears and all those conflicting emotions that
changes bring.

I've just returned from the beautiful Nova Scotia village of Bear
River. You can see what it looks like by going to either a) my blog
at http://magneticspirits.blogspot.com or
http://www.bearriver.ca (a beautifully done website)

As some of you know, I have been in the process of splitting with my
partner of 21 years. Just being in Bear River with my wonderful
friends Simone and Timothy, waking up in the morning to a clear sky
and feeling the fresh dampness of the morning was just what I needed
to reinforce the idea that I am alive, happy, and able to deal with
whatever comes next. And feasts of lobster and scallops with many
bottles of wine helped a lot too.

I am back in Hamilton now and have decided to go back to Nova Scotia
by the end of September to live.

This list is the most efficient way to let you all know .. my
apologies that I can't call each of you and tell you personally.

In the coming month, both Barry and I will be selling all but our
most favourite things. So if there's anything we have that you need
or want, let me know. Even if you're short of cash .. we've got
excess kitchen stuff, garden tools, sheets and towels etc. that some
of you could use. So speak up.

And drop by if you're in the neighbourhood. I expect the For Sale
sign will go up in a couple of weeks but I'll be here for the next
little while. I hope I'll get the chance to see most of you before I
go. And that I get lots of visitors after I get settled in. A guest
room is a big priority in any new house I buy (I've got my eye on a
cute little white cottage with a wrap around veranda ... 170 years
old and just perfect for Ursula (my dog) and me.

In the meantime, my documentary workshop "Mining the Memory Bank"
with Steve Wadhams is still on for August 12-14. So sign up and join
us. I also hope to be doing another workshop before I take off in
September. I can do media, music or meditation .. if you have a
request about what you'd like me to do, let me know and I'll see
about setting something up.

It's all good. Doesn't always feel like it now, but it is. Thanks
to all of you who constantly remind me of this.

Love
Victoria

My Hand was on the National

(I was going to called this entry "I scrummed the Prime Minister" but that sounds really disgusting.)

I really did see my hand on the National, though. And also on ATV.

Continuing on from my previous entry, Simone gathered up the three little boys, Timothy gathered up his camera and I gathered up my recording gear and we set off to join the media conference with the Prime Minister at the Annapolis Royal Historic Gardens. Simone, Ben, Max and Sammy weren't going to be at the press conference but Simone was determined to have her little boys' picture taken with the PM. She stayed at the gate (and did manage to get her picture), and Tim and I went inside to where the media were gathered.

I haven't done much newswork in the past. I have only been in a couple of scrums, and this particular event reinforced my idea that scrums are one of the biggest wastes of time that modern media has invented. First of all, everything is all staged. Picture 15 cameras and 30 people with tape recorders and notebooks all milling around jockeying for the best position in the pack. Frequently bitching at each other "you're blocking my shot". Simone, who was watching from afar, even saw a major network reporter shove a young reporter out of the way because she was where he thought he had the right to be. Because he was with CTV, ya know.

So, enter the PM through the rose arbour, being escorted by the director of the Gardens. This location had been prearranged by the PM's media handler as Station #1. Couldn't get close enough to hear what they were saying but it looked like they were talking about the roses.

Photo-op at Station #1 over, we were then herded to Station #2 to set up before the arrival of the PM who was looking at more flowers. Imagine the pack of us, many with heavy cameras on their shoulders, running to the next station, leaping over rose bushes on the way. Why we had to run, I don't know. It's not like there was anything urgent happening. The PM wasn't going anywhere quickly and neither were the flowers. And really, how often does anything urgent ever happen in Canada anyway?

Then on from Station #2 to Station #3. Station #3 was where we were allowed to ask questions. I was doing audio. Which meant I was holding the microphone, getting as close to the PM as I could, kneeling down on the ground so my head wasn't in the camera shot. There is something very strange about being on one's knees two feet in front of the Prime Minister staring up at him from below thrusting out a raised microphone. It felt like I was begging. For good clip.

On to the questions. Of course, nobody thought to ask about the reason why the PM was there, except for Timothy because his piece was about the 400th anniversary celebrations. The other reporters asked about a) why Ottawa wasn't going to give New Brunswick money to refit its nuclear reactor b) the latest US decision on mad cow c) some illworded remarks by the Chief of Defence and d) (couldn't believe this one) .. when are you going to call a by-election to replace the MP whose funeral the PM was going to be the next day. The PM, to his credit, said something to the effect of hey look, can we bury the guy first? Of course, he phrased it more elegantly than that but it was obvious he thought the question was in very bad taste.

Sigh ... why is it acceptable for media people to have such bad manners??

Reinforces my idea that I just don't want to do big media anymore. Except once in a while for a bit of ironic fun. Instead, I will continue to soldier on in the trenches, asking questions that are not always well received. And keep on working to build upon my belief that the media can be a place for respectful dialogue and which doesn't treat people like the "product" to be used to create the commodity -- "the story".

Prime Ministers and French explorers

It's been quite a hectic and fun couple of days. My friend and colleague Tim asked me to do sound on his film crew for the 400th anniversary of the first known permanent settlement in North America. Didja know that the founding of Port Royal in Nova Scotia predates the landing at Plymouth Rock? I didn't.

So it's been a big deal. Thursday night we were heading out to Port Royal to go to the dress rehearsal of the meeting between the Frency and the Mi kmaq, and we were driving through Annapolis Royal, which is where the Fort was later established. And we saw the Prime Minister just standing there on a street corner.

So then we went to the rehearsal. After the rehearsal we heading back to Annapolis, mostly at the urging of Simone, allegedly to get ice cream for the boys. Of course the real intent was to see if we could spot the PM again.

One of the funnier moments in an evening filled with funny moments was when a teenager on a park bench said to us "the prime minister is here, you know". He then proceeded to tell us "he came up and talked to me and shook my hand. I didn't even know who he was". Further conversation revealed that he wasn't even Canadian, he was from Florida. Then he said "so, that would be like me shaking the hand of George Bush in my own country. Wow. That just SO wouldn't happen".

We finally found the PM .. or at least we found his two security guards. They were pretty good sports. Memorable line #1 - Simone saying "hey, if he needs babies to kiss, I have three of them right here .." Then the security guard saying "there's no election" and Simone responding "are you sure ...?"

Tim then went back and schmoozed the security guard and got us in to the media scrum the next day. I'm running out of steam right now and I haven't had coffee yet. So I'm going to quit for now. Later on I will continue with the story of what it's like to scrum the prime minister (sounds sleazy, doesn't it? Let me tell you, that's not far from the truth).