Good Work, Mom and Dad!

Today is my parents 52nd anniversary. April 9, 1955 was the day. The place was Ruscom United Church, in a small village (hamlet, really) about 40 kilometers from Windsor. A farming community populated by people who were mostly all related to each other (by marriage, not all by blood). My mom and dad lived only a couple of kilometers from each other but somehow didn't get to know each other until they were teenagers. They met detassling corn, and their first date was at the stock car races.

For fifty two years they've kept it together. Pretty amazing from my vantage point ... I am in the final stages of ending mine after 21 years. I can remember times which were tense, especially when we were teenagers. But they're still together.

And I'm glad. I wouldn't have wanted them to stay together "for the kids" if they weren't happy. But I don't think they stayed together just for us. They did it for them. Which is the way it should be.

Hope you have lots and lots more anniversaries, Mom and Dad.

Love from your five girls,
Marianne, Dianne, Victoria, Lori and Cindy
and your two little girls .. Elizabeth and Emily

(PS - The other people in the picture are my sisters Marianne and Dianne, and my brother in law George. I guess you can tell who my mom and dad are ... this picture was taken on Christmas Day 2006)

The Story of the Belly

It is with great joy every week that I receive an email with a picture from my niece Crystal in Kelowna. She and her husband Joel are having their first baby in January, and never has a child been so welcomed into the world.

I (and the rest of her friends and family) have an entire collection of weekly shots of Crystal's belly as it gets larger. Her emails are full of exclamation marks it's clear that she is entirely thrilled about this. Her own private emails to me describe some of the little kicks, flips and turns that the baby makes. In one especially wonderful email, she writes about sitting on the couch and just enjoying feeling the baby sleep.

How does she know the baby's sleeping? Having never carried a baby myself, I have no intuitive sense of this. From what my own mother has said many times to me, it's just something about mothers. They know.

In a world where we hear often about babies who are not wanted, it is a wonderful gift to share with Crystal (and Joel too) as this baby has grown from an idea to the large-and-growing-larger bump on (and an important part of) her mother's body.

Thanks for sharing this, sweet one. And for including us all in the coming of your (and our) new baby.

P.S. - the latest pictures are 33 weeks. The baby is due the end of January.

Hangin' Out at the Beach

Just got back from spending a few days in the Okanagan Valley with my in-laws. The first picture is me, of course, about to dunk because the rock I was standing on was slippery.

The other picture is Crystal, Tyler and Kathy. Kathy is Barry's sister and Tyler and Crystal are her two kids (who aren't really kids anymore. Crystal is an ol' married lady now who just found out she's pregnant, which will make me a GREAT-aunt. I told her I wasn't old enough. And certainly her mother, who is only a few months older than me is not old enough to be a grandmother. Scary for those of us who aren't old enough, but real nice for Crystal and her husband Joel who are really excited).

I had a really wonderful time, possibly one of the nicest times I've ever had with all of them. As usual, Barry's mom and I were a (good) bad influence on each other, eating chocolate for breakfast, spending too much money, talking about all the relatives (especially Barry).

What was wonderful is how the whole Rueger clan have made a big effort to make sure I stick around. They have all gone out of their way to keep in touch and make sure I stay a member of the family, even if Barry and I aren't together anymore. Makes me feel really appreciated.

It was fun. And boy, was it hot. The water was wonderful. And so was the whole trip in general (saw a bald eagle on the way back home. Bonus. This is such gorgeous country.)

Delaurier House

Further to my previous post, this is what Delaurier House looks like. The front part isn't historically accurate -- Ed Delaurier, who died in the 1960's, loved plants. So he built a greenhouse on the front.

If you look at the house from the back, half of it is log cabin and the other half is board and batten. I think the front is all board and batten -- don't know why the back half is different than the front.

My grandmother's books say that it was also an inn at one point. Looked awfully small to me to be an inn, but I guess houses were smaller in those days. The family also ran a tavern and general store at the turn of the 20th century next to the house pictured above.

My great grandfather Fred Delaurier also ran a saloon in Leamington 'round about the same time. My aunt says that when my grandfather died, my grandmother gathered the whole family and made them uncork and drain every bottle of whisky. Except for one bottle which was saved for the christening of the first grandson.

Hmm.. lots of stories there ...

Looking for Grandmere et Grandpere Delaurier

On Easter Monday, Lori (my sister), Elizabeth and Emily (my nieces) and I went to Point Pelee. I had told Emily and Elizabeth that there was a museum at the Point which was the original home of our great-great-great-great (?) grandparents, John Baptiste Delaurier and his wife Julia Hazel Delaurier.

I had not been there in many, many years. I can remember going there with my grandmother, Madeline Delaurier Wallace, to visit her great uncle Ed. I was six, great-great (?) Uncle Ed looked like he was 251. I can remember being just a little spooked by the place.

My grandmother had said in her memoirs that she tried to get Uncle Ed to leave the house to Park (as in Point Pelee National Park) when he was alive. No go, Uncle Ed said. Well, somebody changed their mind because the home is now a museum.

And it's still spooky. The museum wasn't open, but we looked in the windows. The house was as I remembered it -- really dark. It's still dark, only now they have mannequins of three of the Delaurier family in the living room. One is sitting on a rocking chair with a fiddle on his knee. The other has a sheet over him and is hunched over the stove (they were fishermen by trade, so he probably just got in from the Lake). And right beside the window, there was a person in bed.

Emily and Elizabeth though it was, on one hand, pretty scary. On the other hand, to have a museum named after someone from your family, and have other people come see it, is pretty neat.

Our trip inspired me to do some digging, to remind myself who all these people were. My grandmother has written many volumes, all typewritten, of the history of the area. Our own family tree has been well documented but I didn't remember much of it. Here's what I found out:

The Delaurier homestead was built in 1839, by John Baptiste Delaurier (it is interesting that all the history books refer to him as John, rather than Jean)
He and Julia had ten children. The girls were sent away to be educated in a convent in Amherstburg.
My great-great grandfather was their youngest son Gilbert. He moved to Leamington and had two wives. Seventeen children altogether. Most of them moved back to the U.S.
My great-grandfather, Fred, stayed in Leamington and was a fisherman. He married Euphemia Foster. My grandmother was their daughter, Madeline Delaurier Wallace.

I read an interview in the library that was done with my grandmother about ten years before she died. She says they didn't get out to the Point much because Leamington was ten miles away and you didn't go that far in those days.

I'm glad to be reading the information that my grandmother worked so hard putting together for forty years of her life. And it's been really good to be back here where our roots run so deep -- every branch of our family has been in this county since 1830.

In a sense, it's home even if I don't plan to put down any more roots here myself .. I guess I don't have to because my roots are already here.

Our Baby From the Sea - in Memorium

As quickly he came into our lives, he left us.

Less than a month ago, my sister Cindy phoned from Nova Scotia to say that she and her partner Tony were having a baby. Surprised, yes we were. So were they. And as initial shock turned into happy anticipation, she came home to Ontario to have the baby here.

He didn't even breathe his first breath. His name is William Adam Fenner White. He was born and died early in the morning on April 6, 2006. A fully formed, beautiful little boy.

Before now, I had no idea how intensely someone who isn't even in this world can grip a heart so tightly. And to think of those tiny fingers that will never grip his mother's hand, or mine either for that matter .. is too heartbreaking for words.

Goodbye, sweet Adam. The baby I knew and didn't know ...


****************************

A couple of days later, after the shock has dulled .. but only a bit. A lot of going back and forth .. Tony was in Nova Scotia. He's now here. The baby will be buried at Bow's Cemetery on the shore of Eagle Lake. We can see the cemetery from across the lake.

The best I can do at time like this is write. So I wrote this for Adam

You were conceived of salt water
ripening Annapolis shiny red apples,
from fertile farmland
stretching to the bay,
Of lobster claws and sea shells,
seaweed and fine sand

The rough salt breeze
absorbed into your mother's skin
Your mother danced on the beach
Your father watched, he knows.
he understands the breath of the sea.

You were born not there, not on the ocean.
You were born in your mother's water-world,
the scent of pine trees,
no smell of salt ..
rather, the fresh water aroma of algae and hidden trout
a tiny protected lake
ever filling up from eternal underground springs

Sweet baby,
We will sing you to sleep on the shore.

We will bring you both of your worlds
two worlds that live in your bones, your eyes, your feet

Here by this fresh water shore,
we will bring you scallop shells,
we will pour salt sea water
mixed with salt water tears
onto your tiny place
protected by the rock and shield.
You are home here.

Sweet Adam,
the scent of the pine trees
travels on the winds
all the way to your other home
To the tall pine tree outside your grandfather's house.

and the Maritime breath
of your grandparents, cousins,
aunts and uncles
will travel on the wind to the place you sleep

Sleep gently, sleep peacefully
In the arms of our love
In the arms of the earth

Our baby from the sea, our baby of the lake.



Cyndy and Tony say goodbye ..

Happy Birthday Dad

Seventy three years. He was born in 1934. Thankfully, too late to get shipped off to World War 2 -- he was too young. And early enough to enjoy the southern Ontario booming economy -- after many long years of a secure job (balanced with running a 124 acre farm), both he and my mom have a good pension and have a wonderful life living on the shores of Eagle Lake near South River, Ontario.

On April 9th, mom and dad .. Helen 'n Bill .. will be celebrating their 51st wedding anniversary. There are five of us in the next generation .. Marianne, Dianne, me, Lori and Cindy (yup, five girls). Two grandchildren so far, Emily and Elizabeth (yup, two more girls) and another one on the way the end of June (surprise!)-- THIS JUST IN -- IT'S NOT THE END OF JUNE. IT'S THE END OF APRIL.

One night, Barry and I were having a bottle of wine with my mom looking out over the lake late at night in the old cottage (the one where they spent summers before the new house was built). And I asked my mom what attracted her to him way back when. And what has kept them together all these years.

"Because a nicer man never walked the face of the earth" was her response. Amen to that.

Lots of snow

Snowy days in South River 

This is my dad. My mom took this picture to try to entice us to come up to visit them. It's the snowiest year since they moved up there in 1992.

I love snow and snowmobiling, so this is a good idea. They've got a nice place that's almost like a resort up there on the lake and it's really beautiful. And I can let the dog off the leash and she really likes that too.

Hope it doesn't get mild before I get up there.

Cheering on the Team

Do they look like me? 

These are my two adorable nieces Emily (the little one) and Elizabeth (the almost-a-teenager one).

My brother in law Mikey sent this picture and a note:

"In anticipation of the gold medal for hockey later today, my girls are pumped!!"

Maybe next year we'll get Elizabeth and Emily on the ice!

Go Canadian women, big and little!

Don't play with your food!

Lori and her pal 

I love this picture. It's my best buddy and sister Lori. She's in China right now and she's been sending home lots of stories about what she's been eating (pig intestines on shiskabob skewers. Frogs .. whole ones ... chicken baked in mud.)

This is Hairy Lobster .. which is a kind of lobster with seaweed.

I love this picture because I think of the all times (every mealtime) when she says "Emily, don't play with your food).

I think it's hard for her to be a mom sometimes because she hasn't forgotten how to be a kid herself. And that's what makes her a great mom. And a wonderful sister who makes me laugh.