Living in Two Places

See! Said I would do another update!

For the past month, I have been living in two places. Half the week, from Sunday to Wednesday, I am at my friends Lil and Ronnie's. I'm housesitting for them for a couple more weeks.

Then, from Thursday to Sunday, I am back in my own place here in Hamilton.(The photo above is a winter scene from my balcony of my Hamilton home, looking over to Locke Street)

This kind of lifestyle has its challenges. But every time I do it, I am reminded that I am the kind of person who really likes this way of life. I've done it several times before .. first, when Barry was in Ottawa and I couldn't leave Hamilton yet. Then when he was in Appalachia and I didn't want to entirely leave Canada. Now I'm realizing I really like living like this.

Some of the challenges -- never knowing which place my favourite sweater is living this week. And groceries are a challenge -- inevitably, I end up packing the lettuce, tomatoes and zucchini that won't last until I come back to whatever house I am leaving. So my backpack tends to be heavy. And it always takes me a few hours to acclimatize to whichever place it is I'm at.

The advantages -- I see a lot more of my friends. It makes my Hamilton friends seem more special because I don't get to see them all the time (absence makes the hearts grow fonder). And I get to spend time with my Toronto friends, many of whom I haven't seen in a long, long time.

The change of scenery really shifts my perspective and gets me thinking about change .. too easy to get "settled" and dull in one place. At least it is for me.

I want to keep on living like this. I won't be able to afford to live in too many places. But I do want to have two homes .. one here in Southern Ontario and one in Bear River, Nova Scotia. And fill it in with invitations to housesit for friends in other parts of the country and even the world.

I am really glad that my business (Sound Out Media -- multimedia productions for the internet) can be done any place where there is high speed ..

The Future is a Place

(Note: this article was written by my friend Roxanne Amico who is an artist and radio producer living in Buffalo. I was dazzled by this article and asked her if I could post it on my blog. She said yes, and I am happy. The above picture is also by Roxanne and is called "Circle Casting". Links to Roxanne's site are at the end of this post. Enjoy. Be inspired. Be hopeful)

The Future is a Place
By Roxanne Amico

We walked to the playground, from my mother's house, where I go for dinner most Friday nights, to play with my sister's 2 daughters (10 and 5 yrs old) and my mom's dog. The ten year old has mastered everything at the playground with an admirable cockiness, and still challenges herself to step outside her limits. The five year old worships her older sister and wants to do all the older one does. I've been marvelling this spring over how much stronger they are, how much more confident in all the things they do...

The five year old saw what her bigger sister did on the monkey bars--a move that made ME envious--and she wanted to do it. What she can't do alone, I help her with if I can. I couldn't help her this time. I had to say no. I hate that. So does she. She stomped away, her hair flying behind her like a kite with the words ":F-You" written on it... I know how she felt--I knew that if I were bigger or stronger, I could have helped her. I walked slowly behind her to her pouting spot and told her that it was only because I didn't want her getting hurt by doing something I couldn't help her do. "It's not fair! Why can't I do ANYthing?" I told her how much she does this year that she couldn't do last year, when she was four. I knew that would have some meaning, because she makes it clear on a regular basis how proud she is to have arrived at five years old. I called her older sister over to help remind her of the strides she's made in one year. She wanted to do that monkey bar thing though and pressed her case. I said, "You will." She said, "When?"

I said what I knew to be the most irrelevant answer I could give a five year old child, knowing both before, during, and after saying it that it was inane: "In the future."

It was inane because ultimately time means at once everything and nothing to a five year old. "Five years old" is just "more than four", and therefore "better", in many respects because she feels progressively more privileged "now" than "before". It means this thing that means so much more to everyone else --older and bigger--around her, and therefore becomes something she wants desperately to understand, as if it were the secret to the universe. Her mother and I laughed about this recently, because she's been asking, "What time is it?" a lot lately, (..."Why--You got a date?"...), just as she's been talking about death and age. The future is nothing, does not exist, and I know this, yet to say, "In the future" was all I could think to say, while all the while I thought about the problems with this answer, the things I did not say to her, about how I hate this answer I am about to give her... I hate it because I hate this culture that teaches children to become adults who sell their lives to the clock and wallet; because I loathe the fact that she is growing up in a culture that is obsessed with pretending death won't happen, and therefore lives insanely as if the future is the only thing, a culture then unwittingly enslaved to the future as death, disguised as eternal youth, which is actually eternal ignorance, and amounts to acute lack of responsibility for the lives of others in other cultures who die at the hands of this foolishness--others who cannot--don't have the luxury to-- forget about their impending death, too often imposed by this culture...

...I feel rage rise in my chest, right next to the grief that I've got a niece who is 5, one who is 10, one who is 13, and another who is 16, knowing as I do that the future is grim because:

* if the bee population collapses which it is, humanity has 4-5 yrs to survive;
* if the climate change reports are accurate … we have maybe 20 yrs before it's too late to do anything to stop the worst of the consequences of climate change ...
* because I know that another 570+ species go extinct every day, huge areas of the planets forests are felled and cleared every day, more topsoil is removed, deserts keep expanding, oceans keep dying, Greenland and all places ice are melting at a much faster rate;
* because we act like the economy is ok because it hasn't hit "us" yet, but we're just plain wrong and to say otherwise is like talking a language no one can translate. And there are good reasons it SHOULDN'T continue as it is, and in the middle of ALL of the above, people still think we will find a technological silver bullet fix for the energy crisis we are now immersed in ----
* AND-this culture keeps pretending that to look closely at these facts is to invite depression, rather than it being an act of reason to look at the facts and recognize WE -CANNOT-GO-ON-LIKE-THIS YET-WE-CONTINUE-TO-ACT-LIKE-WE-CAN....

And when a 5 yr old asks me one 'simple' question, I think of the rest of her life in these conditions, because I love her, and because I know how much she loves to be alive. (And because I know she won't go all ga-ga about how fast and high that dow jones is climbing--whoop-de-effing do--Aren't we all doing so wonderfully???? I know she won't say something even more inane like, "hey--but we can always try wind/solar-power, while all the while ignoring all these other factors, and forgetting that even these "low tech" solutions rely on PETROLEUM )

Now before I get any emails telling me everything is ok, or checking in on my state of mental health, I'll just say right now I am not "Depressed". This time is one of the happiest, most satisfying and exciting times of my life. What I despise is this culture, not people, not reality, not everything. I can't stand that to merely look at and raise the topic of the danger we are in brings people to blind fear, rather than awakened agency, but I keep looking for a way...

And I think that until we truly see and feel and grasp the deeply disturbing reality, we cannot truly do anything effective about it.

I passionately believe it's entirely possible to love life, love the people I know and many I don't know, love the planet and all living things, past, present, and future. And at the same time to have deep contempt for that which threatens all I love--that which is within my agency to oppose, that which is, as my niece calls it, "Not fair." When I say I hate this culture, I mean the petri dish we're all in, festering away in the disease that's killing the planet, (and there's simply no positive way to put that one anymore), and I don't mean culture in the classic (and elitist) sense of the term. This, of course, is what makes me the artist I am: Because I love, and because I hate, and because the future is not enough, so that what my life is about is shaping a sustainable culture, and because I know in my heart that the only answer really is the present, [even if, at the same time, I know the future I am working for is far too much in the future than I can describe to a five year old] as does the five year old know so dearly about the present...

...As this avalanche of thought crashed through my mind, fully expecting a rumble from my niece in response to my simplistic "in the future" claim, she didn't skip a beat: She sort of growled, and sneered, and with her fingers extended in her own gesticulated passion, sort of like a cat's untrimmed toe-nails, she said loudly,

"the future is just this boring place where they let you do everything and you can't have any fun!!!"

This took my breath away. Knowing I wouldn't remember this exact thing later, I grabbed my pen and paper I always keep in my pocket I don't always have and said, "Hannah--Wait!! Before you say another thing--THAT is one of the coolest things anyone has ever said to me--Can I write it down?"

She said, "Now this is fun. I like this writing things down when I say them--let's do more of that..."



(to hear Roxanne's radio show, go here
To see more of Roxanne's work, go to her online studio here
Her myspace site is http://www.myspace.com/radioroxanne)

Some Soul in the Hammer

I am back in Hamilton for a couple of days. Right now I am at my friend Laura Hollick's Soul Art Studio in Hamilton Ontario (Hamilton is known as "The Hammer" for those who are wondering about the reference in the title of this post).

It's an amazing space with incredible energy. Most of that is because of Laura herself, a dynamic individual with energy that never seems to stop. Though the location helps too -- her studio is on the second floor with lots of windows, looking out at Hamilton Harbour and the train yards. It's also one of my favourite places to soundwalk. I woke up this morning to a minimalist soundscape of a train slowly shuttling out of the yard. Lots of squeals, bumps, frequencies ranging from deep bass to screechy treble.

Right now Laura's studio is full of 7 foot mannequins which she made herself out of paper mache. Her latest project is head dresses -- the mannequins are topped with all kinds of ceremonial garb. Some of the head dresses look like hats you would wear to tea (though not your grandmother's kind of hat). Others are warrior goddess helmets which need to be accompanied by face paint and a costume that says "this woman means business". They are made of feathers, sticks, brooms, beads, jewels ... truly opulent, powerful and designed to bring out many different kinds of spirits.

That's what I love about Laura's work. First of all, there's so MUCH of it. One of my goals is to be at least half as prolific as she is. And most important, it's imbued with spirit, confidence and a deep sense of what's in her own soul.

Another thing Laura does is teach workshops to people on accessing this kind of creativity in themselves. She also does one-on-one coaching where people are encouraged to actually do art along with Laura and find out what's deep inside of themselves.

So go to her webpage. And if you're in the Hamilton area, do one of her workshops or book an hour or two with her. Your emerging soul will thank you!



Laura's Head Dresses

On the farm

I am at my friends Jackie and Laurie's. They bought a 20 acre farm near Nanaimo and invited me to come over and see it. J&L are two of the funnest people I know, so I knew it would be a good time.

I also knew I'd be following them around talking to them as they worked. I lived at their place in Ottawa for a few months so was always having conversations with them as they drywalled the crawl space, unfroze the pipes, fixed the fence .. and the experience of doing that has now doubled, tripled and quadrupled. Following them around 20 acres of farm is an even bigger job.

This morning it was out to the pond to watch Laurie trying to save the pump and himself from sliding into the slippery muddy bank of the pump (he saved the pump from going in, but not himself). Their B&B is still a work in progress and will be opening next year. Even now it is truly lovely even if the bathrooms aren't entirely operational yet. But hell, it's a 20 acre farm with lots of bushes.

This morning I am off to Cortes Island to splurge on a few days at a place called Hollyhock Retreat. Hot tub with an ocean view, gorgeous vegetarian meals, yoga and meditation to start the morning .. check it out at www.hollyhock.ca

Other than feeling like I deserve an experience of pure luxury, I also want to check it out because this is the kind of place I want to start in Nova Scotia. So my trip is even tax deductible. Got a new journal with me, lots of ideas and it will be a wonderful time, I am sure.

Back to Vancouver on Sept 5, then on SEpt 10 I'm going to Seattle for a few days. It's been quite a summer and just a warmup for the Asia trip.

I'll post pictures when I get back to a fast internet connection.


Jackie (not Laurie) almost falling into the pond.

Hippie Heaven part 2

Still having a great time here on Gabriola. Went for a long, long walk this morning, hung out at the beach about an hour's walk from Ken and Donna's. Meditated, did yoga, read ... what a wonderful way to spend a summer day.

Walked on the tideflats looking at rocks on the shore .. this island has some really unusual rock formations that are like caves in the rock. I walked out onto the tide flats until I realized I was sinking ... Splashed mud up and down my legs. It was a messy business but the mud felt really good squishing between my toes.

Also started shooting a kind of impressionistic video poem on the theme of starfish clinging to rocks waiting for the tide to come in. It takes a long time for the tide to come in, and starfish don't do much while they wait. So that was a really meditative experience too. Maybe I should design a course on video-based meditation (I am only half kidding about this. You learn all about movement and being still when you're behind a video camera, Pretty intense body work) Audio is so much more flexible .. physical discipline is required there too, but the positioning of the mike doesn't often have to be as precise a the positioning of the camera.

Then again, I've had times when I've needed to hold a mike as close to the waterline as I could without getting the mike wet. This DOES require great precision. Less risky if I put a condom (unlubricated, of course) on the mike. Unprotected miking can be a dangerous thing, so it's good practice to have one in the mike kit. Quick movements and losing your footing are even more dangerous as all of your gear and you go tumbling into the water. (hasn't happened yet, though)

Generally, that's pretty good all round advice .. move slowly, don't lose your footing and always be prepared!

Life in Hippie Heaven

I am on the road for a few days visiting my friends Ken and Donna on spectacular Gabriola Island. Gabriola Island is one of the gulf islands, between the mainland and Vancouver Island, where a lot of hippies went in the '70's and decided never to return to civilization.

Ken is working on starting a community radio station here. And wherever two or three are gathered in the name of community radio, there I also am.

I will have some great pictures to post once I get back to the mainland. Today I went into the village with Donna and met 5 Alpacas being led down the street. Sort of a little Alpaca parade (my mom told me a couple of years ago that she wanted an alpaca for a pet. I can see why. They are so cute, cute, cute. For those who have never met an Alpaca, they are mini llamas.

Ken is cleaning out the truck and we are about to set out to see the sights of the island. Tomorrow I'll go off hiking by myself, hang out at a few beaches, read and have a real nice time exploring. Friday we head back to Vancouver, stopping first at many Value Villages along the way and making a side trip to the (sadly) infamous Squamish Oil slick. (Ken is a fervent environmentalist so we're going on a fact finding mission). Hard stuff to look at. I have my video camera with me so I'm sure I'll do some documenting.

As far as what I'm going to do with it, I don't really know yet. Right now, I"m just getting used to the art of doing work with moving pictures so it won't be anything ambitious. Maybe I'll do my first video podcast.

Must go .. the tour bus is waiting. Pictures in a couple of days. Sooner if uploading from Ken's computer isn't a big deal ...

Gathering No Moss

Well, time to move on again. It's been a very good winter .. got some new things under my belt -- teaching university, modelling for art classes (which I'm almost out the door to do today), some new radio programs and sound pieces, lots of reading, lots of blogging, connecting with old friends ... it's been a full few months.

And now I'm starting to pack up and move out of Windsor ... boxing up things to take back to store at my friend Ellen's place in Hamilton. I'll be back and forth a few times in April and May. Come mid-June I'll be going out to housesit for my friends Hildi and Peter in Vancouver.

Two months on the Pacific coast ... those glorious mountains and salt sea breezes off of English Bay. Takes me back to my mid-twenties, arriving with practically no money and waiting and waiting and waiting for my UI cheques. And every day walking to the UI office to see if my money has arrived, frustrated, yet looking up at those mountains and saying to myself, thank god I'm here.

And ya, it's bound to hurt that this is where Barry lived the first part of our lives together. But I'd been there for a while before I met him, and there was a me out there that was not him. There have been very few places since where I can honestly say I've experienced my separate self and been so happy with her.

And I've got lots of friends to visit in really wonderful places all up and down the coast. And then in the fall, over to India, Sri Lanka and Thailand for an undetermined amount of time. I don't have to be anywhere at any particular time.

You know, my life would be darn near perfect right now if my heart wasn't still so sore. You think you're getting over it, and then it comes back to land another punch in the gut yet one more time.

To put it in some kind of perspective -- my friends Sarah and Kevin have this song that Kevin wrote (I'm working on a podcast right now with a conversation with them and five of their really great songs ... the CD will be out in the summer.)

The chorus of this song goes:

And the preacher is preaching salvation
And the judge and the hangman agree
But the point of this whole sad narration
Is the pain that will set us all free

And then there's the Epilogue, which sums it all up

And the preacher is playing piano
And the hangman is drinking the gin
And the judge is in bed with a barmaid named Fred
Too busy to save us from sin

So ultimately I guess that means we can experience our pain without fear of judgement ... because everybody's all wrapped in their own lives. There's something good in that.

You really have to hear the whole song, and all the others. Great album. (I'll let you know when the podcast is posted) Inspires me to start writing songs again too. I'll have a piano all summer in Vancouver. It really is all good.

Even the painful stuff -- it will set us all free.