See! Red trees. On Eagle Lake Road. I told you it's a red fall. Stay tuned for pictures of the lake tomorrow. 

Leavin' the City

I just don't want to live in a city anymore. At least not full time anyway. Today I got in the car and headed up north to my mom and dad's place in South River (about 3 hours north of Toronto for them what aren't from around these parts). The further I got from Hamilton, the better I felt. And now it's real good.

It's turning out to be a red fall. Few leaves turning until around Orillia. The air is very cool with hints of winter. A roaring fire is a wonderful luxury and the lake view from outside my bedroom window is peaceful and healing and calming.

Part of me is tempted to stay here for the winter and see what the springtime brings. The east coast still beckons, though. And if I can get out there before the snow starts to fly and the geese are all gone I might still do it.

Back in southern Ontario again sometime either Sunday or Monday. In the meantime, I am really glad to be here.

Oh, and Happy Birthday, Cyndy (my sister). And Happy Michaelmas Day (the feast Day of St. Michael, Guardian Overlord of the Angelic Hosts (or, in layperson's terms -- Head Angel.)

He is often invoked to intercede against The Powers of Evil, Temptation, Storms at Sea and any times when fear and negativity are present. And because it is fall and the light is diminishing, this is the time when the light of Archangel Michael is often called upon.

He is also the patron saint of hatmakers and there is a lovely daisy (the Michaelmas Daisy) named after him. I would imagine that a hat with Michaelmas daisies on it would be a good thing indeed (I bought 10 hats this summer .. maybe this needs to be my 11th)

Thought you would all like to know in case you're feeling a bit fearful and need some more light in your life.

Ramblin' on

I promise I'll post a picture one of these days for some eye candy. I don't have a digital camera right now and all my pix are on my other computer which is not hooked up to the internet. Soon. Soon.

Still wanderin' around, going from place to place and remembering that many societies have lived like this. Only they didn't have a car to use as a storage locker.

I've been pretty bummed out about this house situation ... it feels better when I remind myself that property is a pretty emotional thing, bringing up all kinds of issue of security, territoriality and a mix of other things. I don't think we're really in our right minds when we're doing the real estate regardless of whether one is a buyer or a seller.

At this point, I'm quickly deciding not to let this delay my trip indefinitely. I'm going sometime between October 20 and 31. I will be fine, I tell myself. The explorers of olde left their homeland with much less than I have. I will be fine.

I am working on the whole issue of detachment from material things, at the same time as working on getting more grounded in the material world. Sounds like a contradiction? Actually, it's not. We can only detach from the world when we feel secure in it. So that's what I am working on.

I also remind myself that one of my heroes is Dorothy Day, co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement. Throughout her life, she worked on building a movement devoted to social justice. For her, that meant freeing herself from the trappings of material success. The Catholic Worker, a newspaper which is still being published today, as well as her many Catholic Worker houses were built on no material security. Just God's grace. She did a lot of good, and one of the reasons is because she wasn't afraid.

I am trying to be fearless too. It's a long, slow process but it's getting easier every day as long as I remember what's really important and what isn't. Which sometimes happens for 10 minutes a day!

Getting skunked

I did a whole blog entry yesterday morning about Ursula getting skunked. And then I got skunked by the internet -- I went to post it and something weird happened and I lost it all.

So we both feel like we're getting skunked all over the place. and I am still getting skunked by the real estate business. House still isn't sold. I am still waiting to get out of here and see how much money I'm going to have to get there. My house is almost empty so I am taking many friends up on their gracious offer of places to stay.

the good thing about all of this is that I sure feel loved. Big thanks to The Other Victoria of London and her family for inviting us to stay there. and also for their assistance on Friday night after Ursula had her encounter with the skunk.

Now I am at Nadene and Darren's in Brampton. What can you say about friends who offer up their bathtub for a smelly dog to have a tomato juice bath in, and then say, no, she doesn't have to sleep outside all night. She doesn't smell that bad ... (she now smells like a skunk living outside the Heinz tomato factory in Leamington close to where I grew up).

By the way, I got a tomato juice bath too. I figured the cleanest way to go about it was to get in the bathtub with her. So I probably smell like Leamington on a juice-producing day too.

FYI -- I am off to Tina's place tonight, and staying with her kids tomorrow. Back to Nadene and Darren's tomorrow night. Pit stop at the Hamilton house this afternoon to put in a load of laundry and unload some of the excess baggage in my car.

As usual, the best way to contact me is by email. Or cell phone even if I am way over my allotted minutes per month. Oh well, it's a cost of living that can't be avoided unless I want to be totally cut off. Which I don't.

More later. I"m doing fine even if I am terribly frustrated at the recent turn of events.

Surprise

Have you ever heard the expression that life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans?

So true this week. Our house deal did not go through. After a weekend of believing that I am seriously screwed, I am now feeling better. Thanks in large part to my friend Victoria (the other one) who gave me a call on Saturday and told to me to get the heck down to her place in London so she can take care of me. So I am down here all week with her and her husband and two daughters. I am starting to realize just how much I need other people around me .. fortunately I have friends who were able to point this out to me even before I realized it myself.

It's easy to look at the downside of all of this, but I am finally starting to see how much more helpful it is to look at the good things that this situation is causing. So many people to help, so many people who care. It's been this way ever since Barry and I split up, and I am very grateful.

I am also proud of how Barry and I both handled this latest problem. .. let's just say that it's all pretty typical of how the real estate game is played by some people. Bottom line is that we play fair. And if the other side doesn't, we can't play with that particular person or people.

And despite what I said in my previous entry on moving day about Barry being bitchy, I saw some glimpses again over the weekend of him at his best. Reminds me of why I still love him. Even though I do know we can't be to each other what we used to be.

So now everything is up in the air. We have another couple who are very hot to put in an offer .. they were disappointed that they missed out last time. So things don't look as bleak as they looked in the middle of the night.

There may be a delay while all this works out and I'm not sure at this point I'll go to Nova Scotia right away or wait until the spring. If I do wait until the spring, I'm thinking of spending the winter in Windsor. There are a lot of good reasons to do this. Since I can't afford to go somewhere warm like California.

I' m still working it out and convincing myself that this isn't the big crisis it appears to be. I have options and people who love me.

More later. I'm doing okay. Not the best I've ever been, but okay.

The Diggers had it Right

Don't know how many of you have heard the story of the Diggers, a bunch of folks way back in jolly olde England who tried to set up a town on somebody else's land.

There's a song written about them with the line "No Man has any Right to Buy and Sell the Earth for Private Gain".

Ah yes, real estate was a dirty game even back then.

Tomorrow our house is supposed to close. I am reminded once again why I firmly believe that the buying and selling of property is a black and evil art.

Wrinkles have emerged. Seems the new buyer doesn't understand what the term "unconditional" means. But our lawyer has assured us that yes, they have bought our house and cannot get out of it without it costing them.

Whether our lawyer is going to have to be more emphatic on this point still remains to be seen. The only thing I am enjoying about this is that the buying and selling of real estate is like swimming with sharks. This is one of the only places in life when I feel comfortable being a shark along with everybody else. I'm enjoying being very expressive with my real estate agent and lawyer about how displeased I am ...

Cue: "oh the shark has many teeth dear ...
and she shows them pearly white" (from Mac the Knife, if you don't recognize the song).

And we have at least two other prospective buyers. The problem people can go suck air.

Loving What Is

The Way I Want to Feel all the Time

Hey folks -- it's been a while.

This picture was taken up at my mom and dad's place on Eagle Lake near North Bay Ontario a couple of weeks ago. It was an incredible week on the lake and I felt so good.

I need to remember that. I'm doing well, all things considering but am a little bogged right now. The house closes on Friday -- good word for it, eh? "Closes" -- not just "sells". It's closure.

Doesn't feel like that right now. The last boxes are always the hardest ones to pack up. And I just sorted through the Christmas decorations to pack a few to take with me back to Bear River. Went through old Christmas cards. It was like walking backwards. And yeah, it hurt but I think I'm at the point where I can let it.

And now I'm feeling better, ready to move a few more boxes. I need to remember the feeling that I had when I threw my hands up in the air that day on the lake and said "Whatever".

I almost am able to mean that ... some days more than others. Learning to let go ... let things be what they are. And even learning how to enjoy what they are. Even if it's not exactly what we had in mind for ourselves.

Sometimes there are better plans in the wind ... if we can just ride with it.