$25/$25 challenge - Back at It

It's not that I've had a short attention span for this project. It's because I had a tooth pulled and have been living on a diet of soup and bananas for a week. I didn't keep track because a) I was hurting and b) the dollar figures would be skewed.

But now I'm feeling better and back at it. I've changed my focus a bit .. I'm not trying to eat on $25 a week anymore .. $3.67 a day just isn't realistic. But what I am doing is tracking what I eat and deliberately trying to find bargains.

Which is what the picture above is about. It's a Tilapia, which I was served, head, tails and all in Honduras last year. It was coated with a breaded coating and baked in a wood oven. Wonderful.

All this as an intro to the latest bargain I found at the market. Tilapia with head and tails ... a fish the same size as the above was only $4. Good bargain. And now I know how to cook it.

I also discovered a fish called Basa, from Vietnam, for 3.99 a pound. I got two really good sized filet -- enough for two meals -- for $4. I did my research and discovered that it is similar to catfish, only much cheaper (catfish farmers in the States are a little worried about this fish).

So I'll cook them all up and let you know how I cooked it all and what it tasted like.

Tomorrow's post -- Hamilton's Good Food Box Program. Every community needs one.

$25 challenge - days 3, 4 and 5

I've gone off the rails. I stopped keeping lists about what I've been eating.

But I also stopped eating normally too due to a toothache. I didn't eat anything for about a day after the offending tooth was yanked out. (Ouch!) So my tally would have been off anyway.

I'm going to go back to it .. though I'm definitely going to revise my goal upwards to $35 a week. That would be $5 a day. Still very very difficult to do considering I've been averaging $7 so far. But not unattainable like $25 a week.

I did keep track of some things in the past couple of days. A couple of my discoveries:

I've been pricing items of fruit individually. A medium sized banana costs about .25 if bought at .59 a pound. A medium sized locally grown apple or pear at $1 a pound costs about .50.

A medium sized organic beet at 2.99 a pound is about .75 and worth every penny. Likewise for the organic turnip.

I'm trying not to focus on just the cost, but also what kind of experience I'm getting from the foods I eat. So no pasta and boring tomato sauce in a jar just to keep the costs down. If it doesn't taste good, I'm not eating it. Which is one of the reasons my goal of $25 a week is unrealistic.

So, this is turning into not so much a cost cutting exercise. It's really about looking at what I eat, what it costs and how much it makes my life better. It's about quality of life .. not just the bottom line.

Day Two on $25 a week

My menu yesterday was about the same as it was on Day 1 ... and just about as expensive, I think.

Breakfast - 2 cups of coffee (I didn`t make a full pot so I could halve the grounds. I don`t drink a whole pot anyway. Coffee was weak) - .25
1 banana - .25
20 grapes - .60
1 small glass of juice - .30

mid-morning - one more pot of coffee -- a friend came over - .40

lunch - borscht - the rest from last night .50
humus and pita (should have made my own instead of buying those small tubs in the store) - 3.00
glass of milk .40

Supper - pork loin (bought on sale) .75
with veggies (frozen) - .40
glass of milk - .40
(a bit of balsamic vinegar, antipasto, olives and parmesan cheese for variety - about .50

Grand total: 7.75

A pattern is emerging -- convenience foods are not my friend ...

Day One - $25/week Challenge

I just did the math. $25 a week is only $3.57 a day. I'm already over budget. Way over budget.

Before I give up this project, I am reminding myself that there are a few extenuating circumstances. First of all, I'm using up fresh food in the fridge that wasn't cheap (the gorgonzola cheese, pate and Ace bakery). By about week three, it will all be gone and I'll be working with a depleted fridge and cupboard.

Second of all, I've been using individual servings from the freezer and haven't been tracking how much it cost me to make the dish that I divided up into individual portions, so this is a guestimate.

That said, here's what I ate today:

Breakfast - 2 cups of coffee - cheap (not my usual standard) .40 for the pot. .10 for the cream. Total .50
1 banana - about 5 ounces - bought at .59 (which isn't a bad price) about .25
1 small glass of orange juice - from concentrate - .30
1 muesli bagel - .60

lunch - 2 pieces frozen pizza bought on sale - $1.50
1 small glass milk - about .40


snack - 1 pear, 10 grapes, baguette with pate and gorgonzola cheese - about $2

supper - 1 bowl of borscht with yogurt - about .50
salad greens (about .29) with cherry tomatoes and cucumber (about .40) and half an avocado - .65 (a splurge which will not happen often ... 1.25 for an organic avocado is a little pricey)

Total for the day: 7.39

I'm shocked. At this rate, I'll spend almost $50 this week. And this substandard coffee is a drag.

Maybe I'm estimating high ... hope so.

The Big $25 a Week Challenge

Okay, so further to my last post ...

The challenge to eat well on $25 a week begins. Updates on this site regularly.

The objective is to do it while balancing quality of life. This is not about deprivation. This is about enhancing quality of life. It's not about beans for the sake of saving money. It's about "What am I missing because I don't know this kind of food very well?"

It's also about redistributing my money so I'm not spending so much money on food. So I can spend my money on other things.

And, of course, it's about living with less because that's good for the planet. And that enhances my quality of life to know I'm putting my money where my mouth is in terms of living sustainably.

I may find out that $25 a month means poverty. I may find out that it's not enough to satisfy basic nutritional requirements. The formula may end up being wrong. But at least I'll know. And at the end of this, I'll have a whole bunch of new information which will be useful.

Whatever the outcome, I'll share the results (and the recipes). Stay tuned.

Here, on day 1 ... I'm feeling like this will be a fun.

The Nature of Progress

For the first time in my life, I decided that I was going to go to the gym on a regular basis.

That was last August. The first few months (until about December) were really, really painful. The minutes dragged by so slowly, my legs complained at me constantly. I ran out of breath. I could run for maybe a minute at a time at a speed of about three and a half miles an hour (which isn't even a fast walk) before I had to drop my speed back. My heart rate maxed out at 140 once I approached a 4 mph ... it was working hard.

Well, today I ran at four and a half miles an hour for five minutes without stopping (hey, I know it's not marathon standard but really good for me). I even got up to 2 minutes at 5 mph. I couldn't get my heartbeat to go over 140 even at that speed .. at 3.5, it barely went over 118 today.

And as I ran and walked I reflected on how much harder I have to work now to get the same result (actually I wasn't so much reflective as pissed off). Somehow it just didn't seem fair. Do I have to keep working so damn hard ALL the time?

But that's what happens. I do more and more, and expect more and more from myself. And how often do I stop and look at what I can do now that I couldn't do last summer, and compliment myself on how great I'm doing?

That's what I am realizing. I will always expect a lot of myself. When I achieve one milestone, I will constantly look ahead to the next one. And that's good .. as long as I remember to appreciate where I am at this moment and allow myself at least a little bit of contentment before taking another gulp of water, mopping the sweat off my forehead and challenge myself to Five and a half miles an hour.

Living in Two Places

See! Said I would do another update!

For the past month, I have been living in two places. Half the week, from Sunday to Wednesday, I am at my friends Lil and Ronnie's. I'm housesitting for them for a couple more weeks.

Then, from Thursday to Sunday, I am back in my own place here in Hamilton.(The photo above is a winter scene from my balcony of my Hamilton home, looking over to Locke Street)

This kind of lifestyle has its challenges. But every time I do it, I am reminded that I am the kind of person who really likes this way of life. I've done it several times before .. first, when Barry was in Ottawa and I couldn't leave Hamilton yet. Then when he was in Appalachia and I didn't want to entirely leave Canada. Now I'm realizing I really like living like this.

Some of the challenges -- never knowing which place my favourite sweater is living this week. And groceries are a challenge -- inevitably, I end up packing the lettuce, tomatoes and zucchini that won't last until I come back to whatever house I am leaving. So my backpack tends to be heavy. And it always takes me a few hours to acclimatize to whichever place it is I'm at.

The advantages -- I see a lot more of my friends. It makes my Hamilton friends seem more special because I don't get to see them all the time (absence makes the hearts grow fonder). And I get to spend time with my Toronto friends, many of whom I haven't seen in a long, long time.

The change of scenery really shifts my perspective and gets me thinking about change .. too easy to get "settled" and dull in one place. At least it is for me.

I want to keep on living like this. I won't be able to afford to live in too many places. But I do want to have two homes .. one here in Southern Ontario and one in Bear River, Nova Scotia. And fill it in with invitations to housesit for friends in other parts of the country and even the world.

I am really glad that my business (Sound Out Media -- multimedia productions for the internet) can be done any place where there is high speed ..

All about You

I spent 20 minutes last night doing one of the most enjoyable on-line personality tests that I've ever seen.

After being bombarded with too many TV ads, I went to www.eharmony.com to see what it was all about. (I often sign up to these things just to see if I have the nerve to do it and then ditch out after I get two or three "matches" and it then seems too weird.) I don't think internet dating will work for me but I did find this really handy quiz.

Here's the thing ... if you put down anything other than 'single' or 'divorced', they'll tell you, sorry no, they won't match you with anybody. But this is AFTER they let you do the quiz, which takes about 20 minutes.

I was truly surprised by how much they told me that I already knew .. but maybe hadn't phrased in quite the same way to myself. They tell you the positives and the negatives and even the negatives didn't seem too bad.

A few of the things I learned/rediscovered/reconfirmed about myself:
a) Holy heck, am I ever a Libra. And need to balance everything. That makes me come across as warm and friendly much of the time but sometimes cool and aloof when I'm weighing the options.
b) my emotions and intellect are pretty well balanced (after several years of working on it, I must add ...)
c) my extraversion and adventurous spirit is very appealing and some people want to be like me. At the same time, I can also scare people with my over-the-top exuberance and non-conservative perspectives.
d) the best thing was the overall description of me "TAKING CARE OF OTHERS AND TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF - You are important. So are other people, especially if they are in trouble. You have a tender heart, but you know how to establish and keep personal boundaries. You are empathetic and compassionate, but you also believe that it's best if people solve their own problems and learn to take care of themselves, if they are able." I don't think that's always true, but it's something I strive for. With a lot more success in recent years because I've been more aware of the need for boundaries and also to take care of myself.

I also it was really curious that I came out so high on the extraversion scale .. tell you a secret .. I'm really an introvert by nature. Used to hide behind chairs a lot when I was a kid. But a radio producer I once worked with said "radio people are all introverts pretending to be extraverts". Ya, what else can you say about people who go into little rooms to talk to themselves for four hours at a time ...

The link to eharmoney is here. A tip to those of you who are in committed relationships and are worried that it might look to your partner like you're on the prowl ... you can always do it together ... (although don't look over each other's shoulder while you're answering. It would distort the results).

type in 'separated' and they'll let you do the test without getting matched up. The first few questions are all about what kind of partner you're looking for ... there are only five or six of them and you can pretend. It doesn't take long to do that part ... so bear with it until you get past it into the "rate yourself" questions.

I copied all my results and saved them in Word for future reference .. because I don't know if they'll let you come back if you're not.

Have fun with it ... and tell me all about it ...

The Art of Eating Slowly

I recently joined the new Hamilton Chapter of Slow Food.

I heard about the Slow Food Movement almost twenty years ago and have always wanted to join. Slow Food was started by a man named Carlos Petrini in a town in Italy back in the '80's. When a McDonald's opened up in his town, he reacted to fast food by promoting Slow Food.

Slow Food means noticing what you're eating. Tasting it. Smelling it. Taking time preparing it. And enjoying what you're eating with people who are also enjoying what they're eating. It's about quality instead of quantity.

Today, we were invited by the head chef at Ancaster's Old Mill, to have our meeting at his restaurant. Jeff Crump has been involved in the Slow Food movement for longer than us. It was sure evident when we sat down at the table. He had prepared a simple, but elegant and beautiful dish of fresh tomatoes with herbs and pesto, a platter of four artisan cheeses, grilled flatbread. We finished off with a cherry clafutti, which was sweet cherries cooked in a delicate, sinfully rich batter that you might use to make crepes. To say it was all divine is an understatement.

And so we ate ... slowly. But it wasn't just about the food. The conversation around the table was far-ranging ... we talked about local products, local restaurants, but also issues which affect the food we eat. Urban sprawl, poverty, availability of organic food, supporting our farmers, patents on life forms such as seeds. The point of Slow Food is not just to eat and enjoy good food .. but to become informed and involved in the issues so that good food is accessible to all.

It's a noble cause. And rich .. in taste and in content.

Taking up Less Space on the Planet

Aerial view of Bangalore India


Selling my 110 year old Victorian house was the second hardest thing I've ever had to do. Leaving behind my gardens with my 80 year old heritage roses, my big maple tree in the back yard, the high ceilings and the spacious rooms was a huge loss. At the time, I didn't want to live anywhere else.

So I hit the road and decided not to live anywhere for a while. I came back to Hamilton in February and started to feel like it was time to settle in. I went to the opposite extreme and got myself an average-sized one bedroom apartment.

And you know, it's okay. I don't miss my old house the way I thought I would. There are a lot of pluses -- starting with $300 less in utility bills. And I'm not buying so much anymore because there's no extra space to put things in. When I had the house, there was always a blank wall to fill, a spot that would be perfect for the chair I saw in the antique store. In the apartment, I only have enough space for what I have.

And I even have a garden ... in pots on my spacious balcony. No weeding to do, no leaves to rake. I even have a couple of tomato plants in production right now .. there aren't a lot of tomatoes on it, but they are really good.

I think I've begun to shift my thinking because of all the other homes I've seen in my various travels. New York City --- everybody has small apartments there. After visiting friends and finding out how much rent costs in the big apple, I can understand why the New York style of decorating is sparse .. because nobody has any money left to buy much after the rent is paid.

And Delhi -- the family I stayed with in India had a two bedroom flat. Ten people lived there. Eleven, counting me. And it worked. It's all about the rhythm you establish with the people with whom you live ... some people get beds, others roll out the sleeping mat on the floor. You do what you need to do.

I'm thinking more and more these days about sustainability .. both ecologically and economically. Standing on the sidewalk looking at my big house, I can see now that we had more than we needed. It is this kind of living that leads to urban sprawl. Mind you, our house was not built recently on good farmland. But it's the same suburban attitudes ... that we all need three bathrooms, a guestroom, a family room, a living room. In the case of families, I can see the need for larger spaces. But for the two of us, all that space is wasteful.

Last year I went to the World Urban Forum in Vancouver. The predominant theme was that soon, very soon, there will be more people living in cities than in rural areas. Everyone agreed, we need to figure out ways of creating living space for more people.

I think part of the job is to change our definition of what constitutes a good life. We don't have to have as much as we think we need.

Small though it is, I like my little place. If I go into a larger house, I want it to be shared space. Because we all need to share what we have with each other as resources get scarcer and scarcer. Looking at it now, I haven't lost anything. I've gained a new understanding about how I need to live on this planet.

The Future is a Place

(Note: this article was written by my friend Roxanne Amico who is an artist and radio producer living in Buffalo. I was dazzled by this article and asked her if I could post it on my blog. She said yes, and I am happy. The above picture is also by Roxanne and is called "Circle Casting". Links to Roxanne's site are at the end of this post. Enjoy. Be inspired. Be hopeful)

The Future is a Place
By Roxanne Amico

We walked to the playground, from my mother's house, where I go for dinner most Friday nights, to play with my sister's 2 daughters (10 and 5 yrs old) and my mom's dog. The ten year old has mastered everything at the playground with an admirable cockiness, and still challenges herself to step outside her limits. The five year old worships her older sister and wants to do all the older one does. I've been marvelling this spring over how much stronger they are, how much more confident in all the things they do...

The five year old saw what her bigger sister did on the monkey bars--a move that made ME envious--and she wanted to do it. What she can't do alone, I help her with if I can. I couldn't help her this time. I had to say no. I hate that. So does she. She stomped away, her hair flying behind her like a kite with the words ":F-You" written on it... I know how she felt--I knew that if I were bigger or stronger, I could have helped her. I walked slowly behind her to her pouting spot and told her that it was only because I didn't want her getting hurt by doing something I couldn't help her do. "It's not fair! Why can't I do ANYthing?" I told her how much she does this year that she couldn't do last year, when she was four. I knew that would have some meaning, because she makes it clear on a regular basis how proud she is to have arrived at five years old. I called her older sister over to help remind her of the strides she's made in one year. She wanted to do that monkey bar thing though and pressed her case. I said, "You will." She said, "When?"

I said what I knew to be the most irrelevant answer I could give a five year old child, knowing both before, during, and after saying it that it was inane: "In the future."

It was inane because ultimately time means at once everything and nothing to a five year old. "Five years old" is just "more than four", and therefore "better", in many respects because she feels progressively more privileged "now" than "before". It means this thing that means so much more to everyone else --older and bigger--around her, and therefore becomes something she wants desperately to understand, as if it were the secret to the universe. Her mother and I laughed about this recently, because she's been asking, "What time is it?" a lot lately, (..."Why--You got a date?"...), just as she's been talking about death and age. The future is nothing, does not exist, and I know this, yet to say, "In the future" was all I could think to say, while all the while I thought about the problems with this answer, the things I did not say to her, about how I hate this answer I am about to give her... I hate it because I hate this culture that teaches children to become adults who sell their lives to the clock and wallet; because I loathe the fact that she is growing up in a culture that is obsessed with pretending death won't happen, and therefore lives insanely as if the future is the only thing, a culture then unwittingly enslaved to the future as death, disguised as eternal youth, which is actually eternal ignorance, and amounts to acute lack of responsibility for the lives of others in other cultures who die at the hands of this foolishness--others who cannot--don't have the luxury to-- forget about their impending death, too often imposed by this culture...

...I feel rage rise in my chest, right next to the grief that I've got a niece who is 5, one who is 10, one who is 13, and another who is 16, knowing as I do that the future is grim because:

* if the bee population collapses which it is, humanity has 4-5 yrs to survive;
* if the climate change reports are accurate … we have maybe 20 yrs before it's too late to do anything to stop the worst of the consequences of climate change ...
* because I know that another 570+ species go extinct every day, huge areas of the planets forests are felled and cleared every day, more topsoil is removed, deserts keep expanding, oceans keep dying, Greenland and all places ice are melting at a much faster rate;
* because we act like the economy is ok because it hasn't hit "us" yet, but we're just plain wrong and to say otherwise is like talking a language no one can translate. And there are good reasons it SHOULDN'T continue as it is, and in the middle of ALL of the above, people still think we will find a technological silver bullet fix for the energy crisis we are now immersed in ----
* AND-this culture keeps pretending that to look closely at these facts is to invite depression, rather than it being an act of reason to look at the facts and recognize WE -CANNOT-GO-ON-LIKE-THIS YET-WE-CONTINUE-TO-ACT-LIKE-WE-CAN....

And when a 5 yr old asks me one 'simple' question, I think of the rest of her life in these conditions, because I love her, and because I know how much she loves to be alive. (And because I know she won't go all ga-ga about how fast and high that dow jones is climbing--whoop-de-effing do--Aren't we all doing so wonderfully???? I know she won't say something even more inane like, "hey--but we can always try wind/solar-power, while all the while ignoring all these other factors, and forgetting that even these "low tech" solutions rely on PETROLEUM )

Now before I get any emails telling me everything is ok, or checking in on my state of mental health, I'll just say right now I am not "Depressed". This time is one of the happiest, most satisfying and exciting times of my life. What I despise is this culture, not people, not reality, not everything. I can't stand that to merely look at and raise the topic of the danger we are in brings people to blind fear, rather than awakened agency, but I keep looking for a way...

And I think that until we truly see and feel and grasp the deeply disturbing reality, we cannot truly do anything effective about it.

I passionately believe it's entirely possible to love life, love the people I know and many I don't know, love the planet and all living things, past, present, and future. And at the same time to have deep contempt for that which threatens all I love--that which is within my agency to oppose, that which is, as my niece calls it, "Not fair." When I say I hate this culture, I mean the petri dish we're all in, festering away in the disease that's killing the planet, (and there's simply no positive way to put that one anymore), and I don't mean culture in the classic (and elitist) sense of the term. This, of course, is what makes me the artist I am: Because I love, and because I hate, and because the future is not enough, so that what my life is about is shaping a sustainable culture, and because I know in my heart that the only answer really is the present, [even if, at the same time, I know the future I am working for is far too much in the future than I can describe to a five year old] as does the five year old know so dearly about the present...

...As this avalanche of thought crashed through my mind, fully expecting a rumble from my niece in response to my simplistic "in the future" claim, she didn't skip a beat: She sort of growled, and sneered, and with her fingers extended in her own gesticulated passion, sort of like a cat's untrimmed toe-nails, she said loudly,

"the future is just this boring place where they let you do everything and you can't have any fun!!!"

This took my breath away. Knowing I wouldn't remember this exact thing later, I grabbed my pen and paper I always keep in my pocket I don't always have and said, "Hannah--Wait!! Before you say another thing--THAT is one of the coolest things anyone has ever said to me--Can I write it down?"

She said, "Now this is fun. I like this writing things down when I say them--let's do more of that..."



(to hear Roxanne's radio show, go here
To see more of Roxanne's work, go to her online studio here
Her myspace site is http://www.myspace.com/radioroxanne)

Remember This

This from my wonderful friend Angelyn Debord in the mountains of Virginia:

Speak the following lines out loud:

I love everything about me
I love my uncanny beauty and my bewildering pain
I love my hungry soul and my wounded longing
I love my flaws, my fears, and my scary frontiers

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself
I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself
I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself
I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself

Opting back in

Well, I am becoming a member of North American (read:consumer) society again. I now have my own apartment (haven’t moved in yet but that will happen next Monday), I am now typing this as I wait for Cogeco Cable to go through their exceedingly long voicemail message that explains that I am liable for everything and they are liable for nothing. I cannot get exit this message because if I hang up they will not hook up my cable and internet, which makes the fifteen minutes I’ve already been on the phone signing up rather pointless. It is very, very, very boring. So I am updating my blog at the same time.

Living by society’s rules is really complicated. It has been much easier with no home and wandering around from place to place with no bills but my Visa card to pay so that I can do more travelling. I like being a gypsy. I am going to miss it.

Fuck … this message isn’t over yet … pardon my profanity. I don’t like businesses which waste my time like this. I don’t need them to read a whole contract to me OVER THE PHONE!

So I’ve put down the phone and let the recorded message blather on.

Even though I’ve opted back in, I’m still undecided about how much to do it Okay, an apartment for now is the way to go. For now. Until I can establish an intentional community with likeminded people. It will happen but it's a few years off. And I don't know where it's going to be yet. And I have to have communications services. I will have to do that even in my intentional community Shangr-la. Some things are inevitable. But I don’t have to shop at Walmart or at the mall. I don’t have to buy into consumerism to the degree that I used to think I had to.

I’m thinking that I want to buy little, and bank my money for travelling. Forget RRSP’s – at my age it’s not going to do me much good. I was listening to one financial advisor on the radio who pointed out that in order for most Canadians to live the Freedom 55 lifestyle, they’d need at least half a million dollars in RRSPs when they retire. And the average Canadian RRSP savings is $40,000. I think I’m just going to have to take my chances and trust grace and luck to get me through my old age. And thank god people in Ontario don’t have to retire at 65 because I’ll be working until I drop dead.

Update -- Fifteen minutes later. The annoying dial-a-contract message is STILL going. So I hung up. Wonder if they'll tell me I can't have cable now. My god, read me House of Commons proceedings instead. It would be a lot more interesting compared to this. Hope this telecontract thing doesn’t become a trend. If the pollution and wars don’t get us, these big corporations are going to bore us to death.

Tonight’s contacts with the big wide world of North American commerce has reaffirmed something that I already knew … that I don’t want to deal with big corporations any more and will do business with ordinary people except in cases where I can’t avoid it.

(I am unusually crabby today … probably because I woke up annoyed because my body was telling me it was 8:00 and the clock said it was already 9. I'm also bitchy because somebody decided to make daylight savings time happen 3 weeks early. Daylight savings time is not supposed to start when the snow is still on the ground. It ain't natural)

I really must be careful …. this last 18 months has been a welcome holiday from frustration and cynicism. The challenge is to maintain that spirit … and to discover how I can opt out spiritually while opting in to those things that I need – like services of big companies that do phones, internet and rent apartments. And to enjoy the good things about Western society without letting the not-so-good things drag me down.

It's truly a spiritual challenge, it is.

Media with a Forgiving Mind ..

I have referred several times in this blog about the Dart Center for Journalism and Trauma. That's because it's an amazing collection of stuff about dealing with the emotional content of our work, both in terms of the people we write about and also ourselves.

There is an article I found that is especially resonant with me. It's all about Trauma and Forgiveness, written by BBC Reporter Jennifer Glasse after a workshop on trauma and forgiveness, done by Robin Shohet and Ben Fuchs of the Findhorn Foundation (which is a website you should also check out).

Ms. Glasse starts out being skeptical, but then starts to challenge her own definition of forgiveness. And she made some really good discoveries about herself and her profession.

Well worth a look.

Some Soul in the Hammer

I am back in Hamilton for a couple of days. Right now I am at my friend Laura Hollick's Soul Art Studio in Hamilton Ontario (Hamilton is known as "The Hammer" for those who are wondering about the reference in the title of this post).

It's an amazing space with incredible energy. Most of that is because of Laura herself, a dynamic individual with energy that never seems to stop. Though the location helps too -- her studio is on the second floor with lots of windows, looking out at Hamilton Harbour and the train yards. It's also one of my favourite places to soundwalk. I woke up this morning to a minimalist soundscape of a train slowly shuttling out of the yard. Lots of squeals, bumps, frequencies ranging from deep bass to screechy treble.

Right now Laura's studio is full of 7 foot mannequins which she made herself out of paper mache. Her latest project is head dresses -- the mannequins are topped with all kinds of ceremonial garb. Some of the head dresses look like hats you would wear to tea (though not your grandmother's kind of hat). Others are warrior goddess helmets which need to be accompanied by face paint and a costume that says "this woman means business". They are made of feathers, sticks, brooms, beads, jewels ... truly opulent, powerful and designed to bring out many different kinds of spirits.

That's what I love about Laura's work. First of all, there's so MUCH of it. One of my goals is to be at least half as prolific as she is. And most important, it's imbued with spirit, confidence and a deep sense of what's in her own soul.

Another thing Laura does is teach workshops to people on accessing this kind of creativity in themselves. She also does one-on-one coaching where people are encouraged to actually do art along with Laura and find out what's deep inside of themselves.

So go to her webpage. And if you're in the Hamilton area, do one of her workshops or book an hour or two with her. Your emerging soul will thank you!



Laura's Head Dresses

Thanks for reminding me!

I got a comment from a person I didn't even know on my last post. She said "I'd love to be able to travel like that".

In the midst of my resettlement chaos, comments like that are so helpful. So many people have said to me in the past couple of years "I would love to live your life". It's a reminder that yes, it's pretty damn good. And I have a lot to be thankful for.

Making room in one's life for gratitude is becoming increasingly important to me. It would be very easy (especially right now) for me to miss my old life ... the house, the marriage, the dog, my garden. Yet I also have to ask, which would I rather have, then or now?

In times when things aren't coming together as quickly as I would like, it's easy to wish that I could have my old life back. But it's so much better now. Not easier by a long shot, but there is now so much more scope for change.

I said in yesterday's post that I both love and loathe times of flux. I loathe it because it's just so unsettled ... no easy answers are falling into my lap. Oh, but the possibilities ... it's the feeling of wide open spaces (there's a Dixie Chicks song about that). Not being hemmed in. Expansiveness.

So thank you for reminding me that I love my life. Despite, and sometimes because of the chaos.

Backwater Kerala

Vinod and his oarsman

Oh, what a day yesterday was! Everybody has been telling me I have to take a trip into the backwaters of Kerala. Yesterday I got to do it, and I can see why.

Best of all, it wasn't a tourist-organized trip. Here's how it happened -- my friend Vinod came and picked me up and took me to his parents' place. On the way there he explained that this wasn't just a social call ... what he wanted to do was introduce me to his parents, take me on a tour of their property and outline the plans they have to make it a tourist resort specializing in yoga, meditation and ayurvedic medicine.

Specifically, he wants a North American investor and he is hoping I can spread the word. Which I am happy to do because it is a phenomenal place. His father owns about 30 acres (which gives you some kind of an idea of their economic status .. in a country like India with over a billion people, that's a big chunk of land).

Right now the property is used as a farm ... coconuts (10,000 of them each year), pepper, cloves and prawns (BIG tiger prawns). The month to be here is April when the prawns are ready to fish and the mangos are in season (no fresh mangos right now, sadly) They also have their own cows to make yogurt and produce milk (Vinod's mother is a really good cook ... we had a traditional Keralan lunch of rice, fish, dhal and two different kinds of vegetables with yogurt. Yum)

Then we went for a walk on the property and they introduced me to all the plants growing there, including wild medicinal herbs. I needed a medicinal herbs sound bite for one of my stories, so this worked out well.

Then we came to the river, the backwater, the canal .. not quite sure what the terminology is. We got in a simple large wooden boat and got the river tour of the property. It was navigated by one of their servants who pushed it along with a long bamboo pole.

We were on the water for about 90 minutes, and Vinod and his father showed me where they were planning to build the tourist huts, and what they would look like (luxury but not out of range of the budget traveller either). There are resorts springing up all around them, but they are mostly of the eco-friendly type, spaced out with lots of room for solitude. In addition to the ponds and backwater canals, they are a very short boat ride from a large freshwater lake, and then the sea. (Vinod's wife Lily's family also owns 20 or so acres of waterfront acreage closer to the ocean that they are also planning to develop. So there seems to be no shortage of land and people who want to do something with it)

His father also told me they are planning to buy a houseboat for longer tours of the backwater. (These are like floating hotels .. there is a large houseboat trade in the Kerala district. I think his main reason for wanting to have a houseboat is to be able to offer the tourists another option).

He also plans to buy an elephant. I asked him how much an elephant would cost, "More than a car?". He said yes, but tourists won't come to India to ride in a car. Well put. There is also ancillary income to be made if you buy an elephant. It can be rented out for weddings and ceremonies at the temple. Besides, I would bet an elephant doesn't depreciate as fast as a car and is not subject to the ups and downs of the oil market.

I told Vinod that I don't have $10,000 to invest right now ... that's all they're looking for. One or two partners at $10,000 apiece would really help them get the work done. They're also putting a lot of their own money in. When you consider that there are people in North America who spend that much on a timeshare, it hardly seems unreasonable. I appreciate their enterprising spirit even if I can't do much to help them out monetarily. But I will show everybody the pictures, spread the word about their enterprise. And at the very least, encourage people to come here when the resort is up and running.

On the way home, Vinod continued the tour by showing me a resort which looks like what they are planning to do. (To get in to see the resort, we pretended I was a North American client who was bringing a group of people to consult with Vinod's computer company).

The resort he showed me was beyond description ... very polished, with thatched roof traditional looking huts with all the modern conveniences, its own private pond and garden, living room and a balcony looking out on the backwater and at the palm trees.

Sure is beautiful here. I leave tomorrow morning for Sri Lanka. They seem to be behaving themselves right now. With peace talks happening in Switzerland on the 28th and 29th, hopefully the tensions will continue to dissipate.

At any rate, I am being met at the airport by someone I know and I will be staying at his home in the suburbs outside of Colombo. What I've learned is that insurgents don't target residential areas. I am feeling much more confident now that I've had a few days in a peaceful place where nobody's fighting with each other (this sure is a fightin' kind of continent, though. I wonder if the heat has anything to do with it?)

Many things to ponder after I get home and start composing my radio pieces and writing my book. Kerala is known locally as "God's Country" and I can see why ... of all the places I've visited, this is the one I've been the most impressed with. It's peaceful, tidy, educated (90% literacy rate, which is even higher than Western standards).

Pretty amazing. I must come back here. Next time, Vinod says, not to work. One week of houseboating, one week at the beach and one week of Ayurvedic (traditional Indian medicine) treatments and yoga. Such bliss.

Coconut Milk .. Right from the Source

Mmmmm..

My Masseuse with the wonderful hands
Today is "take care of myself" day. No work. So this morning I went down to the Ayurvedic (traditional Indian medicine) clinic of a friend of my friend Vinod's. What an amazing experience.

I've had massages in Canada before, but this is different. The massuese was a woman named Sunhita .. she did the whole massage dressed in an elegant blue sari. It was a very oily affair ... hot oil drizzled on just about every part of my body. And the oil didn't have that typical North American pharmaceutical smell .. it smelled of green plants, earth and a little bit of woodsmoke.

First she massaged my head. For twenty whole minutes. Around my eyes, my ears, rubbing hot oil in my scalp. Then the shoulders, down the arms. She even massaged each finger and toe and cracked each knuckle. She pinched, lightly slapped, patted and rubbed. All this took placed over 90 minutes or so.

Then she left, leaving me lying on the massage table wondering what to do next. The table was dripping with oil and so was my body. I got up and started towelling off the oil.

Then she came back in with two buckets .. one with a pink kind of soapy water. She said it was Ayurvedic medicine of some kind. Then she had a small bowl of a light brown powder which she mixed with water to make a paste. We went into the shower room. She spread the paste all over my naked body, all over my face and into my hair line. Then she took the pink liquid and washed down my entire body and hair.

It's been a long, long time since anybody else scrubbed me down. It felt really incredible.

Now I am in an internet cafe dodging the early afternoon rain showers. The monsoons are over so they should be subsiding by now. But it still rains in the early afternoon.

I just had a nice lunch of prawn biryani (a rice dish) with cashews and dried fruit with a kind of yogurt dressing. The food all over India (except for the night when I got food poisoning) is great. Food in Kerala is even better. Just spicy enough, and they use lots of coconut milk and fruit.

Better still, it is very hard work to spend more than $5 a day on food here. And even that's a stretch. Most of my meals have topped up at 100 rupees, which is about 2.40 Canadian. And at that, I can't even eat it all.

More later. Still assessing the situation in Sri Lanka and wondering whether to come home early. Don't know what to do ...

The Haven

View from The Haven


We ended up going to Gabriola and staying at a place called "The Haven Institute". It is another retreat centre .. one of the things I wanted to do this summer was a visit a few of these places to see how they worked. I am quite serious about wanting to set up some kind of arts retreat centre in Bear River so I wanted to see a couple of different models.

Hollyhock and The Haven both spring from the same roots .. The Cold Mountain Institute which was the predecessor of Hollyhock on Cortes during the '70's. CM morphed into Hollyhock, and a couple of the other people involved created The Haven.

The two places have different orientations .. Hollyhock is more spiritual/artistic and perhaps less grounded than the Haven, which was started by a psychiatrist and a medical doctor with a psycho-social rather than a psycho-spiritual orientation. An example of the differences .. at Hollyhock when we were there, the seminar in session was empowerment through singing, and another one on Yoga. At the Haven, the visitors were a group of people who were trying to work their way through depression.

Both valuable and have their place, and were wonderful spaces to visit. I am surprised that there are very few places like this in Nova Scotia. My vision would be to come up with a blend of the two .. more arts stuff than the Haven but maybe more grounded than Hollyhock. Hard to explain in a few paragraphs what I mean by that .. still working it out myself.

Overall, the past ten days have been wonderful for sitting on the grass looking up at trees, feeling my toes in the warm sand, reading, and just being. I'm getting really good at this R&R stuff ...

It was another great time, and now I am back in Vancouver. I have a few days of work to do and then I head down to Seattle. My trip to India is not far off .. I have to get grounded again and start to work on my To Do list. Today is my final travel-related shot (for Japanese Encephalitis so I don't end up with a swollen brain and drooling in a nursing home for the rest of my life. It's costing our project $300 for this shot alone, but since my brain is my most cherished possesion, I think it's worth it.)

Gotta go unpack. Laundry would be a good idea too since I have been living in the same clothes for ten days. Good practice for India, also it was a good time to find out how much weight on my back was too much. I need to find another backpack and carry less stuff ...


Looking Up ...

More from the beach

Still here at Hollyhock. Amazing food. Many intense conversations in the hot tub... amazing to be here, just me and the ocean and the mountains and other people to connect with on a soul level.

And even a high speed internet connection. This is funny - I've been down to the computer room three times and have been the only woman here each time. Not many gear grrrls.

I'm having fun.


Fabulous food! Today, salmon and prawns