Waiting for the lights to go out ..

I'm leaving Hollyhock and Cortes Island this morning and over to Denman and Hornby Island. The power is going to go out any minute .. new power line going in across the water from Vancouver Island. So I don't have much time.

It's been a blast. Tour of the island yesterday, where people are still mad because somebody painted a yellow line down the middle of the highway ("I'm paying for both sides of the road so I can drive wherever I want") Typical rural community with the usual squabbles between people but they make it work.

Did yoga this morning. Yesterday was better .. hit the wall so had to ease up on myself. think I'll go jump in the hot tub for one last time before shoving off.

Wonderful time. I'm coming back.


This is The Sanctuary -- the place where the meditation happens.

More from the beach

Still here at Hollyhock. Amazing food. Many intense conversations in the hot tub... amazing to be here, just me and the ocean and the mountains and other people to connect with on a soul level.

And even a high speed internet connection. This is funny - I've been down to the computer room three times and have been the only woman here each time. Not many gear grrrls.

I'm having fun.


Fabulous food! Today, salmon and prawns

Movin' Up-Island

Left Laurie and Jackie's at noon today and took a bus to Campbell River, about three hours up-island. Then I caught two ferries and came to Cortes Island, on the edge of Desolation Sound.

I am at a place called Hollyhock for a few days, a very cosmic retreat centre. Check out the website at www.hollyhock.ca



There are workshops going on here -- one is a yoga workshop, the other on improvisational sound and the other on Wise Women stuff. I am just hanging out, reading, watching the sunsets and lounging around in the hot-tub and beach (which are clothing-optional .. quite a nice feature of the place)

I will try to get up for morning yoga and meditation. I thought I'd have an internet holiday but there is high speed access even up here so, yes I will check my email. Wish I could upload pictures but the computer doesn't have a USB port to connect my camera. So I'll post a whole bunch when I get back to Vancouver.

It is really peaceful, restful and beautiful here. I'm glad I came.

On the farm

I am at my friends Jackie and Laurie's. They bought a 20 acre farm near Nanaimo and invited me to come over and see it. J&L are two of the funnest people I know, so I knew it would be a good time.

I also knew I'd be following them around talking to them as they worked. I lived at their place in Ottawa for a few months so was always having conversations with them as they drywalled the crawl space, unfroze the pipes, fixed the fence .. and the experience of doing that has now doubled, tripled and quadrupled. Following them around 20 acres of farm is an even bigger job.

This morning it was out to the pond to watch Laurie trying to save the pump and himself from sliding into the slippery muddy bank of the pump (he saved the pump from going in, but not himself). Their B&B is still a work in progress and will be opening next year. Even now it is truly lovely even if the bathrooms aren't entirely operational yet. But hell, it's a 20 acre farm with lots of bushes.

This morning I am off to Cortes Island to splurge on a few days at a place called Hollyhock Retreat. Hot tub with an ocean view, gorgeous vegetarian meals, yoga and meditation to start the morning .. check it out at www.hollyhock.ca

Other than feeling like I deserve an experience of pure luxury, I also want to check it out because this is the kind of place I want to start in Nova Scotia. So my trip is even tax deductible. Got a new journal with me, lots of ideas and it will be a wonderful time, I am sure.

Back to Vancouver on Sept 5, then on SEpt 10 I'm going to Seattle for a few days. It's been quite a summer and just a warmup for the Asia trip.

I'll post pictures when I get back to a fast internet connection.


Jackie (not Laurie) almost falling into the pond.

Om

So when things get busy, time to do yoga and meditate. My little friend is Yuli. Her father is Chris, who I worked with at CBC a long time ago. I was very happy to see that his life has improved greatly with the addition of his new partner Charlotte and Yuli, who is four. They even went all the way to China to get her. Chris was a confirmed bachelor for years and I just never thought I would ever see the day ...

Getting Yuli to meditate and do yoga is a pretty tall order. Getting her to sit still is even harder than getting me to sit still. But we did it, and as you can see by the look of concentration on her face, she was intensely into the experience (Yuli tends to be intensely into every experience ... nothing mellow about this little gal) She is also intensely fun.

Hippie Heaven part 2

Still having a great time here on Gabriola. Went for a long, long walk this morning, hung out at the beach about an hour's walk from Ken and Donna's. Meditated, did yoga, read ... what a wonderful way to spend a summer day.

Walked on the tideflats looking at rocks on the shore .. this island has some really unusual rock formations that are like caves in the rock. I walked out onto the tide flats until I realized I was sinking ... Splashed mud up and down my legs. It was a messy business but the mud felt really good squishing between my toes.

Also started shooting a kind of impressionistic video poem on the theme of starfish clinging to rocks waiting for the tide to come in. It takes a long time for the tide to come in, and starfish don't do much while they wait. So that was a really meditative experience too. Maybe I should design a course on video-based meditation (I am only half kidding about this. You learn all about movement and being still when you're behind a video camera, Pretty intense body work) Audio is so much more flexible .. physical discipline is required there too, but the positioning of the mike doesn't often have to be as precise a the positioning of the camera.

Then again, I've had times when I've needed to hold a mike as close to the waterline as I could without getting the mike wet. This DOES require great precision. Less risky if I put a condom (unlubricated, of course) on the mike. Unprotected miking can be a dangerous thing, so it's good practice to have one in the mike kit. Quick movements and losing your footing are even more dangerous as all of your gear and you go tumbling into the water. (hasn't happened yet, though)

Generally, that's pretty good all round advice .. move slowly, don't lose your footing and always be prepared!

Life in Hippie Heaven

I am on the road for a few days visiting my friends Ken and Donna on spectacular Gabriola Island. Gabriola Island is one of the gulf islands, between the mainland and Vancouver Island, where a lot of hippies went in the '70's and decided never to return to civilization.

Ken is working on starting a community radio station here. And wherever two or three are gathered in the name of community radio, there I also am.

I will have some great pictures to post once I get back to the mainland. Today I went into the village with Donna and met 5 Alpacas being led down the street. Sort of a little Alpaca parade (my mom told me a couple of years ago that she wanted an alpaca for a pet. I can see why. They are so cute, cute, cute. For those who have never met an Alpaca, they are mini llamas.

Ken is cleaning out the truck and we are about to set out to see the sights of the island. Tomorrow I'll go off hiking by myself, hang out at a few beaches, read and have a real nice time exploring. Friday we head back to Vancouver, stopping first at many Value Villages along the way and making a side trip to the (sadly) infamous Squamish Oil slick. (Ken is a fervent environmentalist so we're going on a fact finding mission). Hard stuff to look at. I have my video camera with me so I'm sure I'll do some documenting.

As far as what I'm going to do with it, I don't really know yet. Right now, I"m just getting used to the art of doing work with moving pictures so it won't be anything ambitious. Maybe I'll do my first video podcast.

Must go .. the tour bus is waiting. Pictures in a couple of days. Sooner if uploading from Ken's computer isn't a big deal ...

Tree Hugger

From the Top of the World

My friend Sara and I decided to take a trip to Whistler. "What do you want to go to Whistler for?" everybody was asking us. "It's just a ski town with no snow."

ya, but it's a ski lodge with no snow where the 2010 Olympics are going to be held. If nothing else, going there will mean we can say nonchalantly "oh yes, the last time I was in Whistler .."

So we went. The ski village is just that. A ski village. Pleasant enough, lots of restaurants. Had lunch. It was nice.

And then we figured that since we've come all this way, we had to go up the mountain. And up we went. Twenty-five minute ride in a covered gondola, and then up another ten minutes on an open ski lift.

And I've got to say I am so glad we did this. To be up there, close to the clouds, to the snowy mountain peaks was a sense of the eternal in one quick little trip. I didn't want to come back down.

Next time I do this, I am going to spend the whole day up there, 7100 feet in the clouds. There is a trail down to the next set of chairlifts that takes an hour and a half to walk down. And trails on the summit so you can walk around.

There is snow up there, little rivulets of water that are probably huge rivers in spring, little alpine flowers, no trees, lots of rock of all shades of grey and brown. Cold? You bet, considering I was wearing shorts and a skimpy top. The cold was energizing, and brisk and just made me feel totally alive.

What a trip. I'm so glad we did it. (travel tip -- if you go there and want to have lunch, don't eat in the village. Take the covered gondolas up to the first level and have lunch looking at one of the most spectacular views you'll see anywhere).

Makes me even more excited about my upcoming trip into the Himalayas.

Don't Drop Your Shoes!

On the way back down from the summit, I was finally brave enough to take out my camera and take some pictures.

Not that I'm afraid of heights, but I am afraid of dropping my camera. I chanced it. Camera arrived at the bottom intact.

I didn't chance losing my $80 Birkenstocks, though. So I put them in my knapsack on the way down. And in doing so, got to bring back some of the dusty mountain soil back with me.

What a fabulous trip. I have never ever been closer to the sky. (being in an airplane doesn't count).

Here's a view from the very top -- 7100 feet up. Glorious.


A View from the Summit

Living Organically

I've been experimenting with a new way of life. One that has been gradually evolving over the past few years, even though I didn't know it was happening.

It's about letting life evolve naturally, trusting my intuition, believing that things are going to get done without having to resort to timetables, to-do lists and day planners.

Back when I first started working totally independently, I would structure my day to begin at 9 am, stop for lunch precisely at 12 .. you get the idea. It was like I needed to punch my own time clock in order to stay on track.

A lot of this was born from the need to get things done and be "productive". How I measured productivity was by the number of words written, number of phone calls made, number of minutes of sound and documentaries composed. You get the idea. That's the way I used to define productivity.

Well, in the last couple of years in particular, I have not been able to define myself strictly by that criteria. My life had changed in a way that I was needing to define myself by other values. And ya, it was a struggle (and still is) to redefine myself in a way that doesn't rely on the merely quantifiable or definable to determine what has and hasn't been a successful day.

These days, I get up when I want to get up. I eat when I am hungry. I go for a walk when I want to. I play the piano. I go to the computer to send out emails when I want to and I "work" when I want to.

And do you know what? Things get done. The money has come in, I have food on the table and everything I need.

I still have a hard time trusting that following my own schedule and intuition will get me to a really good place. I want to fall back on that old tendency to run headfirst into my work with singleminded determination to achieve "results". The concept of "surrender" is something I still have a great deal of trouble with, yet when I run headlong into something, it has often turned out to be a wall (ouch). And I usually don't have a helmet on, either.

It's not that I haven't been "working" lately. Far from it -- in many ways, these past few years have been some of the hardest work of my life. Getting to the place where I am now has required great amounts of focus, trust and a firm idea of what I want. I don't even know if I even should use the term "work" .. it just doesn't seem to apply to the way I do things anymore.

And where am I right now? I am in a place and in a space I am really liking to be, doing things that really resonate with my soul. I am becoming the person I want to be, rather than the person I thought everybody else wanted. It's not been easy getting here, and I am sometimes (often, even now) really sad at what I've had to surrender up to be where I am now.

Yes, it's been hard work. But yet, the good things in my life haven't happened through any great design of my own ... I've often said to my friends that I've been living my life most recently on grace, luck and skill ... in that order. And much of the time it hasn't felt like my success has had very much to do with my skill, either. Things just evolved and took their own time. And no, I sure didn't often trust that I was headed in the right direction.

Still don't sometimes. I still want to fall back on my To-Do list and plan everything within a minute of next week. But the thing I've learned that is more powerful is that if we trust ourselves, trust the people around us, trust the universe, god, goddess or whoever, our To-Do list will take care of itself.

And there will be much more rich things when we review what we've accomplished than if we'd written everything done and done everything on the list in our usual singular, too-focussed compulsive way.

Because many of the best things that happen to us won't even appear on our list at all ...

Oh My God! It's the God Truck!

I remember saying to a friend before I came out here, "But is the God Truck still around?". And today I found it.

This one is probably more accurately called Son of God-Truck. Because it's not exactly the same. The old God-Truck was like a .. say, probably a three ton truck. The signs on it were made of wood and it was mounted on the bed of the truck like an A-frame. It looked like a cross between a sandwich board and an evangelistic little camper. You could take it into the rainforest and sleep in it when you're done proselytizing.

Son of God Truck looks like a camper van from one angle, and a monster truck from another (puny little monster truck, but the monster truck all the same). Stylistically the two are very similar -- if it's not the God Truck guy himself with an updated image, it might be his kid. To paraphrase a friend of mine .. "this is not indeed the God-Truck, but the God-Truckness cannot be denied".

The message has changed. No words about Jesus Christ coming to earth. Lots of political rambles, including the question "are you a sheeple?" Much railing about the evil media, evil oil, evil George Bush and a quote by (I forget his first name) Wolfewitz.

Guess these days he figures we don't have to talk directly about Satan ...

Good to see that quirky expression still exists in Vancouver. And that the spirit of the God-Truck is still alive and travellin' around.

Hangin' Out at the Beach

Just got back from spending a few days in the Okanagan Valley with my in-laws. The first picture is me, of course, about to dunk because the rock I was standing on was slippery.

The other picture is Crystal, Tyler and Kathy. Kathy is Barry's sister and Tyler and Crystal are her two kids (who aren't really kids anymore. Crystal is an ol' married lady now who just found out she's pregnant, which will make me a GREAT-aunt. I told her I wasn't old enough. And certainly her mother, who is only a few months older than me is not old enough to be a grandmother. Scary for those of us who aren't old enough, but real nice for Crystal and her husband Joel who are really excited).

I had a really wonderful time, possibly one of the nicest times I've ever had with all of them. As usual, Barry's mom and I were a (good) bad influence on each other, eating chocolate for breakfast, spending too much money, talking about all the relatives (especially Barry).

What was wonderful is how the whole Rueger clan have made a big effort to make sure I stick around. They have all gone out of their way to keep in touch and make sure I stay a member of the family, even if Barry and I aren't together anymore. Makes me feel really appreciated.

It was fun. And boy, was it hot. The water was wonderful. And so was the whole trip in general (saw a bald eagle on the way back home. Bonus. This is such gorgeous country.)

Ah, Vancouver Part 2

I always liked those sulphur piles. Don't know much about them or why they're there, but they always looked really dramatic against the blue of the water, the gray of the mountains and the blue of the sky.

I took this picture while crossing the Burrard Inlet on the Seabus. Nice little 12 minute trip from the City of Vancouver to North Vancouver. I've been doing a lot of exploring and re-exploring over the past week since I arrived. A lot of the places that I used to haunt are still around .. including the old apartment building where Barry and I lived for five years. It's only ten blocks or so from where I am staying. It's a very old building with a very large green space behind it, which is why I am surprised that it is still there. The owner could make a lot more money by tearing down and building up.

Still, for the sake of my memories I'm glad it's still there.

It is a very exciting city, though, and I am glad to be here even if it's only for the summer. I am finding more energy in myself than I have for a lot of years. I am now exactly twice the age I was when I moved out here the first time -- and I've got to say that of all the different incarnations that I have gone through, my time in Vancouver was the part of my life when I liked myself the most.

And a lot of that same energy has come back to me. It's like my younger self met me at the airport. She and I (younger Victoria and older Victoria) been having a really good time connecting with each other again.

I am also gradually reconnecting with friends of olde .. there are quite a few of them still around, so it will be really good to connect with them.

I've got all summer. That's real good.

Thank you for listening to me

It is now day 3 of the World Urban Forum. So far I've done 2 interviews with another one scheduled for later this afternoon.

The interviews have been good, but the most value is learning a lot more about all the issues I'll be covering with Green Planet Monitor. Specifically, I've been to several sessions about post-tsunami reconstruction and I think I have a better handle on what needs to be covered as part of this very huge story.

One of the big things I am learning has nothing to do with issues, though. It has more to do with how the first and the third world relate to each other. A phrase comes up continuously at the end of panel discussions -- "thank you for listening to me". Granted, first world people also usually end their talks with the obligatory thank you as well. But there's something different about the way it's phrased when .. for lack of a better term ... we Anglos say it.

For us, it's more a matter of formality. I get the impression that there's no real heart in it ... I'm sure it's meant on some level but it seems to be more like a habit.

The people I have heard from the third world have a gentler way of saying it. "Thank you for listening to me". As though they are surprised. There's also a real expression of gratitude .. like they have no expectation that being listened to is a right and are really happy for the chance.

From now on, I am going to try to say "thank you for listening to me" more often. Because, in this world, we are given a gift when people listen to us. And by saying thank you I am acknowledging the gift.

I also believe that being listened to is also a right .. but if we all said thank you to each other we wouldn't have to demand our rights. We would give AND receive the gratitude we all need.

Voiceless in Radioland

I have my voice back again. I got a really nasty bout of almost bronchitis and had to really concentrate on not losing my voice so I could speak at the National Campus and Community Radio Conference yesterday. Tough work, being at a radio conference and trying not to talk.

As most of you probably figured out, I didn't totally manage to be mute all week. But I did cut back on the use of my vocal chords and the two workshops and soundwalk I did yesterday went really well.

I am in Ottawa, by the way, in case you've lost track (I lose track of myself on a daily basis, so quite understandable if you do too).

I really like this city. If I was going to live anywhere in Ontario, this would be it. Having a really good time getting together with friends I haven't seen since I lived here five or six years ago. This city is so pretty. And so polite ... not much Windsorness or Hamilton-ness to it at all (though I do appreciate the realness of both those cities -- Ottawa has a lot of smoke and mirrors -- there is a lot of pretending done here)


There is an upside to living out of a backpack and not needing to be any place at any particular time.

Keep in touch, y'all ... FYI - I am back in Hamilton on Tuesday and Wednesday, heading Toronto way on Thursday, then flying out to Vancouver on Friday (the 16th). Yee haw.

Not a career option

It always helps to know where you stand when a chance for a job comes up .. do I apply or not? Would I be happy doing this kind of work?

Here is a no-brainer. I got an email from the "Defense Talent Network" inviting me (and likely hundreds of thousands of others) to apply for a job as a proposal writer. Ya, a job I could do, but is "Defense Talent Network" what I think it is.

Sure enough. How anybody managed to get me on a list to imvite to do work involving missile defence systems and ICBMs is a question .. obviously they don't know anything about the people they're spamming. Because if they did any research at all, they sure wouldn't ask ME.

fyi -- still on the road, heading up to Ottawa for a week. Back to Hamilton/T.O. on June 12, out to Vancouver on the 16th.

The Sound of One Train Colliding

It was an eventful trip. I caught the Northlander for South River this morning.

I was sitting in the first car behind the engines. This particular engineer blew his whistle a lot. Thinking that I could use a good train whistle in my sound collection, I took out my mike and stood in the vestibule between the engine and the first car.

I had been recording for about 3 minutes when the train came to a stop. In retrospect, I can remember bracing myself just a bit .. the train must have put its brakes on quickly, but it was still a very smooth stop. I kept recording until the train came to a complete stop and got the thumping of one car on another and (I think) some squealy brake sounds.

I went back to my seat. A minute or so later, one of the crew came on the P.A. and said we would be delayed because there had been an accident. That was a little spooky -- the only five minutes I recorded on the train would have captured the changing sounds of the train as the impact was happening.

I haven't listened back to the recording yet -- I am wondering if the engineer was blowing the whistle even more than usual in that space and time. I wonder if I can detect the moment of impact.

I am also wondering if I will be able to listen to that bit of recording and use it in sound pieces without conjuring up the associations of having been in an accident. I'm sure it will sound different to me than it will to anyone else listening .. I know the larger context and they don't. (Which is true of any recording we make -- for the person who created the recording, there are many different associations which wouldn't be there for other people.)

And then of course I went into journalistic mode, and got the story from the train crew. Seems that the person in the car is okay -- the train either clipped the front or the back of the car, sending it flipping over. But he's alive. Good thing his timing wasn't a split section off or he would have been right in the path of the train. And the story wouldn't have had a happy ending.

It was a long train trip. The crew was all shook up so in addition to waiting while the police investigated at the scene of the accident, we had to wait in Bracebridge while Ontario Northland brought in a new crew from North Bay. The new conductor told me that there is always a crew change as soon as possible after an accident. This is a good thing .. I can't imagine what it must be like to be an engineer and know you're going to hit a car. And not being able to do anything about it.

I'm glad everybody's alright.

The technological universe expands!

This is my first audioblog post. Had to try it out to see if it works. So if you want to hear my voice, just hit the Play arrow.

Now I have to think of creative audio I can post over the telephone. Maybe I'll read a poem next time.

The Birds

Hi friends -- I am in Toronto this week. Had a good though challenging time in Hamilton last week .. in the end, the good times outweighed the challenges.

This week I am in Toronto doing a guest Radio Art deejay stint at the Radio without Boundaries conference. This morning I was at my sister Di's place and went for a walk in High Park. A couple of people along the edge of the pond warned me to watch out for the red-winged blackbirds because they were dive-bombing people. The guess is that this is a critical day in nesting season and they are trying to warn us away. What they'd do is swoop down on people's heads, grazing their hair as they did it. One came after me but I was able to duck.

And speaking of ducks, I saw eight adorable little ducklings. It was a good day for birdwatching. I didn't have my camera with me so couldn't take any pictures but I will try to upload some visuals when I am in South River next week. The Blackfly festival has started .. oh joy. Oh well, it's still awfully nice up there, blackflies notwithstanding.