The Ides Of February

If Julius Caesar had lived in Canada, the Ides of March would have been the Ides of February (for those of you who aren't up on your Shakespearean references, the Ides of March was the day that he met his death at hands of a group of senators who justified it by saying thing didn't assassinate Caesar, they committed "tyranicide".)

In the popular vernacular, the Ides of March are simply a reference to dark days. Which is what we have in Canada in the month of February.

I was talking to a friend of mine with prairie roots today about how February always seems to affect me ... doesn't matter how happy I am or how well things are going, February is the hardest month. This year, it's even tougher because I broke my glasses. To see clearly I have to wear my sunglasses, which, to coin a well used phrase, is akin to looking at the world "through a glass darkly". When I take off my sunglasses I see daylight but everything is fuzzy. And everybody who knows me knows how much I crave clarity in my life.

My friend reminded me "this is February and we are a northern people". She then reflected on her grandparents' life ... it's always been cold in February in Canada. And it used to be much colder than it is now. And they survived February just fine. Their solution, she postulates ... they just stoke the fire, stay home and just remember that spring will return.

I would imagine that the condition of depression existed back then too, so I'm sure not everybody handled it as well. Northern literature (especially the Scandinavian kind) can be very dark .. I once sat through a whole afternoon of Norwegian radio documentaries one afternoon .. holy hell, it was enough to make you want to stop living. It was kind of funny in a dark absurd kind of way.

So no Bergman this month.

So what's up with me? I'm frustrated because I'm not focussed. I'm frustrated that things are going exceptionally well but I can't seem to enjoy my success right now.

What to do? Well, I think I'll start by declaring February " the month of Take Care of ME". This is not the time to think about all of the heavy things I am used to thinking about.

When the sun comes back, I will focus once more on the fate of the world and all the people in it. Right now, I am going to remind myself that it's time to take care of me. Because, after all, we can't take care of anybody else if we don't take care of ourselves.

So I'm going to go for a walk. Eat chocolate. Borrow a musical instrument from my friend (because I'm always so much happier when I'm playing music). Not put pressure on myself. Reminding myself that it's Super Tuesday, which means GEORGE BUSH IS GOING!

And above all, reminding myself ... it's Canada. And this is February.