When things fall apart ...

I don't know what it is about July of 2007. For some reason, a lot of things are falling apart for a lot of people in my life right now.

Several people are in a state of confusion, not sure where they should land and what they need to do to get there. It's not as desperate as "is my parachute going to open or am I going to get schmucked on the ground?" but there is a lot of uneasiness around anyway.

Several organizations I am involved with, or peripherally involved with, are going through some troubles right now. In my own life, the job that was supposed to provide me a financial base for the forseeable future is on the verge of collapse. I've only been involved with this group for several months, so I'm not sad about this so much for me ... it's an organization which has been in existence for almost twenty years. A lot of people have put a lot of heart and soul into this group. I'm mostly sad to watch their hopes and dreams whither away. It may not come to that, but it's looking like shutting down is a distinct possibility.

And there are a couple of other groups in town (many, actually) that are living a tenuous existence .. from grant to grant, miracle to miracle.

The biggest problem is that people get tired and burn out .. I wish we could just do the work and be able to forget about mere survival for a while. If that were possible, we could all get to the business and art of building our communities. As it is, we're just treading water.

This is not a lament, though. And regardless of what happens, I'll be okay. I've learned a lot about resilience throughout my life, especially in the last couple of years.

Some of my reflections about change:

1) change is cyclical. What seems to be insurmountable usually works out in the end.
2) change happens all the time. But sometimes it gets more dramatic than at other times. It's not that change wasn't happening before a particular dramatic event happens. It's just that most of the time it doesn't come roaring in ... most of the time it's more subtle than that. So nothing's really different except the intensity. Same old, same old.
3) the more you try to force things to resolve themselves, the worse it's going to be. That doesn't mean you should quit trying. It's about the kind of trying you do .. the times I ride out the changes the best are the times when I am able to give up attachments to particular outcomes. For example, maybe this organization I'm working with will come through the crisis. Or maybe it won't. Whatever happens, it won't be the end of the story. The old systems will evolve into new ones.

My wise mountainwoman friend Angie told me a story about her Granny that has stayed with me through the years. Her Granny was widely acknowledged to have powers that people couldn't explain. When Angie asked her "Granny, where does it come from?", her Granny just said "sshhh .. we don't talk about such things". Because if you try to find the source of the power, it will leave you.

"Not FROM me", Granny said, "THROUGH me".

Hard mantra to put into practice ... but a profound statement about reducing our ego investment in whatever's happening around you. And it works when you can manage it.