Reflections from a Distance

And what a distance it is. I can understand culture shock on the way into a new culture. But coming back into your own culture after being away? Seems like it should be easy.

Vancouver was easy. Then again, I was hardly awake for ten days after landing. Then I got slam-dunked back into Ontario, and real life the way I used to know it. First there were the obvious things ... looking at my bank account (yeow!), realizing I had to find a job, wondering where I am going to live, things like that. In otherwords, real life all over again. The way I used to know it.

But wait a minute. I've changed, haven't I? What about all those sparkling new insights, those aha! moments where everything made sense? Or didn't make sense but I learned to make sense of it anyway? What about all those things I learned about myself about peace, about lovingkindness, about generosity towards other people, about seeing, smelling, hearing and tasting and believing I would never ever experience the world the same way ever again?

And I realize, I'm not relating to the world in exactly the same way as I did. So yes, the goal of learning and growing and changing has been accomplished. Except now things seem a lot harder. The number of times I have asked people, so what's new, and they reply in a monotone voice "same old, same old", and I find myself thinking "but how can it be same old, same old.? Everything is new. Every day. Can't you see that?"

Well, no, maybe not everybody can. Just like there have been so many times in my life when my answer might have been "same old, same old" too. And I promise myself never ever to give that response again. But will I? Can I keep this up .. the feeling that everything is wonderous, new and exciting? That even when things are bad, they are still so, so good?

I don't know .. all I know is that for now, things have changed. And yes, I'm back in the middle of some of the same old crap that bogged me down in the past. But I know it doesn't have to now if I don't want it to.

More reflections on culture shock and culture change in my next post. Gotta help unload groceries.